Thursday, April 28, 2011

16 and Pregnant (with an asshole for a boyfriend)

I'm addicted to MTV's "16 & Pregnant" and "Teen Mom."  I know the shows get a lot of flack for "glorifying" teen pregnancy, but I don't think they do that at all.  I think they give a pretty accurate portrayal of how hard teen parenting is, even under the best circumstances. 

I also think that they provide a little snapshot of the state of teen behavior in America today.  And that state is depressing.  On almost every episode, the girls have a discussion with their friends about what they were using for birth control when they got pregnant, and almost across the board the answer is some form of "what's birth control?"

No matter what their race, social class, or educational status is, these girls seem to know astonishingly little about contraception, and I put the blame squarely on the abstinence-only "education" that we continue to rely on, despite the plethora of evidence showing that it doesn't work.

Besides the contraception ignorance, the other thing that makes me crazy is the attitude of the boys on the show.  I will say that some of the young men are decent, caring boys doing their best to rise to the challenge and be good fathers and partners.  But by a sad majority, they seem to be foul-mouthed assholes content to sleep and play video games while their girlfriends do all the real work of parenting. 

The way that some of these boys talk to their girlfriends is either bordering on, or all out, abusive.  They say the most despicable, unacceptable things to these girls, and no one (including their own parents) seems to call them on it.  I have two sons, and if I ever heard some of things these boys say come out of my sons' mouths, I think I'd have to give them a swift slap across the face (not that I advocate child abuse or anything).

Maybe along with comprehensive sex ed, we need to start teaching a class on basic respect and social behavior since so many parents don't seem to be teaching that anymore.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Birther Bashing

OK birthers, let's have it.  Why is the long form birth certificate President Obama released today not good enough?  Is it because Hawaii's not a "real" state?  Is it because it took so long to release it that he must have had it doctored somehow?  Is it because there is a vast conspiracy by the terrorists that includes the Hawaiian newspapers and the Kenyan government?  What is it??  I want to hear it!  Really!  I want to hear why Obama doing exactly what you've been saying he should do since 2008 is now not good enough for you.

When you let "science" and "facts" become optional in your society, this is what you get.  Tons and tons of people refusing to believe something that is totally irrefutable.  It amazes me, but I guess it shouldn't.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Bumper Sticker Logic

I put a bumper sticker on my car the other day that reads "Pro-Child, Pro-Family, Pro-Choice."  I'm a little nervous about it.  Every time I go to the grocery store now I'm waiting for someone to come up and start yelling at me.  I try to avoid bumper stickers because they don't generally change anyone's mind about anything, but I've gotten so tired of seeing pro-life bumper stickers all over town and figured maybe it would uplift some of my pro-choice neighbors to see that they're not alone (if in fact they exist at all).

Here's a rough sampling of the bumper stickers that are very common around here:
-Choose Life
-I'll keep my guns, freedom, and money. You keep the change.
-If Obama's the answer, it must have been a stupid question.
-Abortion stops a beating heart.
-TEA - Taxed enough already
-Work Harder - Millions on welfare depend on you

Not to mention the hundreds of Christian fish I'm stuck looking at in traffic every day.

You see what I'm up against?

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Happy Easter

Even though I'm an atheist, I thought I'd stick to a religious topic today what with it being Easter and all. 

Yesterday, I watched a show on the History Channel about the Shroud of Turin.  You know, the one that supposedly was used to wrap up Jesus after he was crucified.  The show explored many different theories as to how the shroud could have been created.  Through all the different theories, not one person ever mentioned the idea that maybe this thing was not from Jesus, but say, some other guy that was crucified. 

I mean, crucifixion happened all the time back in the day.  They spent all this time in the show disproving all the various ways the thing could have been faked, but spent zero time hypothesizing that maybe, just maybe, it was an authentic burial shroud, just not the one that wrapped up Jesus.  Is this the level our critical thinking has come to in this country?  No wonder we're all so dumb.

Enjoy your Peeps!

Saturday, April 23, 2011

What Planned Parenthood REALLY does.

With all the current controversy surrounding Planned Parenthood, my head has been spinning with the sheer volume of misleading and simply untrue things being said about the organization.  I used to work at Planned Parenthood, so I figure I'm in a position to put at least some of these untruths to rest.

I worked in one of PPH's many small town family planning clinics.  We did not do abortions at our clinic, as most PPH's don't.  Only one PPH clinic in Minnesota actually performs abortions.  The other 23 do pretty much the same thing as my clinic did. We provided birth control to people.  As well as pap smears, breast exams, STD tests and treatment, and pregnancy tests.

I think much of the controversy surrounds what takes place after those pregnancy tests, so I'll tell you exactly how we handled them.  First of all, we did the test, which took five minutes to run.  Unlike the crisis pregnancy centers, we didn't tell the woman the test would take half an hour and then force her to sit in a room looking at images of fetuses.

When I was trained in to deliver pregnancy test results, here's what I was told to do: 

If the test was negative, I was to encourage the woman to come back to get birth control (which usually involved getting a pap smear, which is why they would have to come back). 

If it was positive, the first step was to ask them if they were surprised by the result and if they had thought at all about what they would do if the test was positive.  Most of them had, since they were already there for the test. 

If they said, "I want to keep the baby" then we handed them a pregnancy resources guide which had the names of maternal help organizations, along with an application for Medicaid if they weren't insured. 

If they said. "I've been thinking about adoption," then we handed them the same pregnancy resources guide which also had the names of several adoption agencies in it.

If they said, "I'm thinking about getting an abortion," then we handed them the same pregnancy resources guide which also had the phone number for the Planned Parenthood clinic which did abortions.  If they asked for more information on abortion, we were not allowed to give it to them.  We simply pointed again to the phone number and told them to direct all their questions to the people at that phone number.

And under no circumstances, ever, were we instructed or permitted to try to influence the woman in any way as to what she wanted to do about the pregnancy.  That was her decision to make, not ours.  We simply provided her with the resources she asked for and let her take it from there, using her own judgement and support system.

When I hear PPH being so demonized by Michele Bachmann and her ilk, it really makes me angry.  Not only because of how wrong they are in their assumptions, but also because they are defaming the many wonderful, caring people I worked with over the years.  I never once met a co-worker who was there to benefit from the windfalls of "big abortion."  My co-workers were genuinely warm and giving people who were there to help women (and men).  They were there because they deeply believed that all people should be able to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancy.  We tried our very best to prevent unwanted pregnancies to begin with, and when that failed, we allowed women to  decide their own futures with whatever help they needed from us.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Redefining Marriage for the Better

I've been watching a lot of historical dramas lately: Camelot, The Borgias, The Tudors, etc.  Basically, you feed me an epic historical drama and I'll consume it happily.  I can't get enough of them.  And one thing they've caused me to ponder lately is the continually changing nature of marriage.

The Religious Right likes to tell us that we can't allow marriage equality because we wouldn't want to "redefine marriage" (god forbid!).  I guess these people haven't watched enough historical programming.  As it turns out (and it’s too bad they don’t teach you this in history class or something) women used to be bought and sold into marriage. Marriage was not a union of love, but one of mutual benefit for the bride and grooms’ families.  For example, if your family was broke but possessed a title of some kind, and another family was filthy rich but not of noble birth, they worked out a deal to marry their children so as to benefit both families.  Women (and often men) really had very little to say about who they actually wanted to marry.

More recently, the point of getting married was for a man to have someone who could bear his children, clean his house and cook his food, and for a woman to have someone to provide her with a house to clean and food to cook.  It was a union of mutual survival, not love.

In fact, the idea of marrying for love has been laughable for most of human history, so I can’t figure out why we continue to buy this myth that marriage is now and has always been about falling in love and then making babies.

The reality is that these days, marriage is really all about choice.  You can choose if you will marry or if you won’t.  You can choose whom to marry and then whether or not you want to have kids.  You can choose who will work or not work.  Parenting is shared much more equally than in the past, and when you fall out of love, either party can choose to get a divorce.  So what part of this picture are gay people so ill-equipped for?  They can fall in love, they can raise kids, they can work and share and do all the things everyone else can do.  Why are people so threatened by them getting married?

When marriage is defined by love, as it is today, then there is no valid reason at all to exclude people who simply choose to love someone other than who you would choose to love.  Should we also exclude assholes from getting married?  Or people with especially bad grammar?  Just because YOU wouldn’t marry someone doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to get married to the person they love. 

And don’t get all high and mighty and use the “slippery slope” argument.  You know, the one where if we allow gay people to marry then why not marry horses or children.  I think it’s pretty easy to just draw the line at two consenting adults and leave it there (polygamy is a whole different can of worms we can discuss later).

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Women's Expo Wrap Up

For all of you followers on the edge of your seats; yes, I did make it out of the hospital in time to staff our pro-choice booth at the local women's expo last Saturday.  And what an exciting day it was. . . .

One of my favorite booth visitors was a kind old gentleman who shuffled up to our booth with his wife (I'm assuming - she never said anything).  He took a look at the sign we have hanging under our banner that reads "Pro-Child, Pro-Family, Pro-Choice," and exclaimed, "Oh, good for you! This is great - what a great booth!  Are you a local organization then?"  I responded that yes, our group is local and fairly small as he looked over the materials on our table.  He looked at the sign again and suddenly looked at me and said, "Wait a minute - that says 'pro-choice.'  Do you advocate abortion?!"  I replied with "No, I don't, but I think that everyone should be able to make up their own mind on the issue," and before I could even get the whole sentence out he raised his cane up, waved it at me and shouted "Oh for crying out loud!!"  He backed away from the booth still waving his cane at me and shouted something about parenthood, but by then I couldn't really hear him anymore.  I was thinking too hard about the powerful and thoughtful argument he had presented me with and starting to change my mind on the issue.

Another man came up to the table (he was a vendor from another booth) and also looked at our sign with approval, then bought one of our buttons that read "pro-family, pro-choice."  He signed up on our email list, then told us that he had gotten into a heated argument with someone the other day over "this issue."  He said that his friend was talking to him about the Planned Parenthood funding hoopla.  As he was telling us this, he spit out the words "Planned Parenthood" as if he had vomited them into his mouth.  He asked his friend why, if they were in favor of funding PPH, they weren't in favor of giving just as much money to Birthright?  The two of us at the booth just stood there puzzled as he nodded at us and quietly walked away telling us "thank you" for the button.

Is it really that foreign to people that you can be pro-child, pro-family AND pro-choice?  I think people thought that we were doing some sort of false advertising, but we really feel that the pro-child, pro-family, pro-choice thing properly describes our group.  A large percentage of the people in our group are mothers, and isn't everybody "pro-family?"

Of course, what we got the most of during the day was a constant stream of young women taking a condom out of our basket, pondering it for a minute, then saying something like "it's too late for me."  We heard stories all day of young mothers who had no knowledge of (or access to) birth control.  One girl told me that she had worn a purity ring and then proceeded to get pregnant her first time (she had always heard that you couldn't get pregnant the first time).  When I told her that there have been studies done which have proven that purity rings serve no purpose at all in delaying sex, she seemed genuinely shocked.  I think that all this time she's been carrying around some kind of guilt, feeling like she's the ONLY one who ever broke the purity ring promise.  I felt bad for her.

We also had a mom who was outraged that her 15-year-old daughter had been able to get birth control pills at a PPH clinic.  She told us that she had "control" over whether or not her daughter got pregnant now.  I asked her how she had control over that and she said her daughter was grounded.

We did however get a few cool moms who picked up some condoms to put in their teenagers' Easter baskets.  One said that although she knew her precious babies wouldn't need them, maybe they had a friend they could give them to, then they all laughed.  It was a refreshing bit of realism in a day filled with people wearing blinders.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Being sick sucks.

I'm posting this from my hospital bed.  I'm so glad they have wifi in the hospital now, especially since their TV selection sucks.  For those of you who don't know, I'll give you a quick recap of why I'm currently sitting here.

I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease at 19.  It's an intestinal disease and if you want to know more about it, you can Google it - don't be lazy.  Anyway, no one knows what causes Crohn's although they've found that there is some sort of genetic component (my brother has it too, as do several of my cousins).  So really, there's not a whole lot you can do to prevent it.  I've had 3 surgeries so far, and have been hospitalized dozens of times over the years because what's left of my teeny-tiny intestines tend to get food stuck in them causing excrutiating pain that rivals that of childbirth.

Naturally, all of this makes me very sensitive to the way in which the current healthcare debate is being discussed.  When people talk about the "overuse" of healthcare, they're talking about me.  According to the tea party, I really should have done more to prevent this disease as a teenager.  I should also be doing more to shop around for the best value in doctors and hospitals.  I always find that argument laughable not only because when I'm in the throes of stabbing stomach pain I'm not thinking about how to get more bang for my buck, but also because I live in a small town.  There's one hospital.  Where else am I supposed to go?  Believe me, if there was another option I'd go for it, because I'm sick of staring at the crucifix on the wall every time I have to come here.  Sure, I could drive half an hour in any number of directions to go to a neighboring community's hospital, but again, when I'm in the throes of stomach pain, I just need to get to the hospital quickly.

The Republicans seem to think that health problems are a choice.  That I chose to be sick and chose to be away from my children for days at a time and chose to rack up thousands of dollars in healthcare costs all because of my stupid intestines.  Clearly, they've never dealt with a chronic illness before.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The F-Word

I was watching a show the other day and they had a clip from Phyllis Schlafly plugging her new book "The Flipside of Feminism."  She basically said tht feminism is totally unnecessary, and that it has made women less happy over the last 30 or 40 years.  She further said that since she was able to get a college degree in 1940, then "what's the problem?"

Apparently she never studied the suffragette movement when she was in college, because if it hadn't been for the brave women who fought for the right to vote, she wouldn't be able to.  I'm always amazed that we have such short memories in this country when it comes to womens' rights.  It's as if society just kind of let women do all the things they wanted to do, and no one had to fight to get us those rights. 

What I find the most appalling is when women such as Schlafly, or Michele Bachmann or Sarah Palin, enjoy their public lives and go out on their public speaking engagements and advance their public careers, all the while shitting on the very women who earned them the right to do those things.  They can make fun of feminism all they want, but if it weren't for feminism, they wouldn't have had access to the choices they've been able to make.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Let's Talk About Sex

I just finished watching the TLC special, "Let's Talk About Sex."  It compares the way America deals with sexuality and the way European countries deal with it.  It confirms something that I already knew, what with my background in family planning and all.  European countries take a realistic approach to dealing with sexuality and thus have MUCH better outcomes when it comes to teen pregnancy and STD rates.  In America, we seem to be afraid to discuss the issue at all, and when we do, we treat sex as though it's a dirty, scary thing to be avoided at all costs when you're a teen. As a result, we have skyrocketing teen pregnancy and STD rates. 

We American parents cover our eyes and plug our ears and just assume that our kids are not having sex.  We also assume that our kids aren't thinking about sex unless someone suggests it to them.  In Europe, they talk to their kids openly about sex from a young age, because they know that sexuality is a natural part of life that ALL teenagers are already thinking about. 

Basically, they use science and common sense to prevent bad outcomes for teens, and we use fear and religion.  And based on the statistics, it's quite obvious which approach is the more useful one.

Friday, April 8, 2011

What is wrong with these people?

So our federal government is about to shut down because the tea baggers feel so strongly that women (and men for that matter) should not be allowed to have access to birth control.  Their hatred of Planned Parenthood runs so deep that they're willing to paralyze the government to shut them down.  Federal law already prohibits spending federal dollars on abortion, so what more do they want?  Well, I'll spell it out for you.  They want everyone in America to just keep their pants on until they are legally wed and then have as many children as god feels compelled to send their way.  Yes, that's realistic.  Let's go with that plan.  I'm pretty sure it will work out just swimmingly.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Why I'm Pro-Choice

I think a lot of women my age in this area wonder why someone would be pro-choice.  They've grown up on a steady stream of anti-abortion rhetoric, and have always lived in a world where abortion was legal, if not always accessible.  So here it is; why I happen to be pro-choice.

Keep in mind that I'm not speaking as a representative of the pro-choice community, or for anyone else who happens to be pro-choice.  I'm only speaking for me, and my views are my own.

#1 - I have a sense of history.
I am kind of a history buff in general, but when it comes to abortion, I find the history in America fascinating.  What many anti-choice activists don't seem to realize (or care about) is that abortion has been around basically forever.  It's not as though it started in 1973.  In America, it actually was legal for quite a long time.  If you want to learn about that, read "The Worst of Times" by Susan Brownmiller.  I don't have time to get into it here.  The point is, during earlier parts of this century, women died routinely from illegal abortion, many times leaving behind several other children.  I don't see how it's humane to "save" one baby at the risk of the other 7 the woman has at home.  Those children count more, in my opinion.  They are already here and need to be cared for.

#2 - I don't believe life begins at conception.
Do I know when exactly life does begin?  I would say birth, but obviously we get into some murky territory around the 5th month or so.  However, I definitely do not equate an embryo with an infant.  I believe that embryos are potential life, but not equivalant to the crying babies in the maternity ward.  I also know that the Bible keeps pretty quiet on the issue, as did Jesus, and a church telling me something I should believe just because they said so does not hold much sway with me.

#3 - I've been pregnant.
I've heard many people say that they were pro-choice until they became pregnant, but honestly, pregnancy made me more pro-choice.  Pregnancy is a life-changing, profound event that is not to be taken lightly.  It has an enormous impact on your body and mind and is not something women should be forced into.

#4 - I don't think women are stupid.
I'm not saying there aren't stupid women out there (just look at Sarah Palin), but when it comes to childbirth, women have the capacity to make up their own minds.  Noboby "stops in for an abortion" while doing their grocery shopping as Michele Bachmann so callously put it.  Abortion is a serious decision, and women think seriously about it.  They make up their own minds in the context of their own situation and beliefs.  I'm not them, so I don't feel it's my place to tell them what to do.  I don't know what they're going through, so who am I to tell them what they should do?

#5 - I value children as people.
When I see those pro-life billboards, they infuriate me because they treat babies as though they're puppies.  Cute, cuddly things that you take home and play with and show off to the neighbors.  I don't see babies as just babies, but as people just starting out.  When you create a baby, you're creating an eventual adult, who will live a life marked by tremendous pain and suffering.  Yes, that life will hopefully also contain a lot of joy and happiness, but you can't ignore that people inevitably suffer.  I'm not saying life isn't worth living, but that it's a big responsibility to bring someone into the world.  We shouldn't be encouraging people to do it just because babies are cute.

#6 - I don't think that life under any circumstances is always a good thing.
Yes, I do think that being aborted is a better fate than being born to abusive parents who beat you mercilessly until you die as a toddler.  Sorry, I just do.  Does that mean I think that every unplanned pregnancy should be terminated?  No. I was the product of an unplanned pregnancy and my parents rose to the challenge, as most do, and became great parents.  However, they had a great support system and a lot of help.  Not everyone does. I can't assume that eveyone facing an unplanned pregnancy is as fortunate as my parents were.  Had they chosen abortion, I wouldn't know any better because I wouldn't exist.  It's not something I agonize over.  In the big scheme of things I'm just a minor speck.  Besides, there is a difference between an unplanned pregnancy and an unwanted pregnancy.  I simply think that women deserve the respect to decide for themselves which they are dealing with.

Friday, April 1, 2011

The Crazy File

Although it's been dormant for awhile, I thought I'd share some gems from my "Crazy File."  When I first started my now defunct business, the local paper did a story on my new store.   The story printed my name, obviously, and talked about our store's products in an article about several local women-owned businesses.  It mentioned nothing about my political views or community activism.  As soon as it was published, I started getting letters from a secret admirer.  All of them were addressed to me personally at my business address.  None had return addresses on them, and none were signed.  Here are a few of my favorites (all emphasis is theirs, not mine):

"Ms Pro Abortion, Ms Planned Parenthood, Ms Kill Children Advocate, Ms. B.O. elect lover, What church do you belong to?  Do they know, do you know, The Ten Commandments?  Their not the ten suggestions!  5th.  Thou Shalt NOT KILL!  It's a human being with a SOUL, Not an animal, not a veggie, not a MASS OF TISSUE.  Repent your ABortion! We don't need your demonic messages!"

This one was written inside a very nice sympathy card:
"Your hero and martyr and leader in the killing of babies is gone your grief must be overwhelming Poor George didn't know Our Lords 5th commandment THOU SHALT NOT KILL!!!  But take consolation: you have a PRO ABORTION PRESIDENT.  He advocates killing babies!"

And this one was attached to a coupon we had running in local flyer:
"Are you proud that your Obama is the pro-abortion president and chooses only pro abortion leeches for his cabinet?  How many babies killed in BO's first 100 days?????"

It's really too bad that this person chose to remain anonymous.  I would have loved to have engaged in a civil dialogue about our differing points of view and perhaps found some common ground. . . . . . oh, wait. . . .