The Sky is NOT Falling

It's funny. I drove in to work this morning and didn't see any houses repainted in rainbow colors. No children being forcibly removed from their parents.  No gay people having naked parades in the streets. I didn't get a notice from my son's school that they would henceforth be teaching the kids how to have the gay sex, nor did I see any churches burning down. 

You'd almost think that Minnesota's marriage equality law didn't pass yesterday. I mean, things just seem so "normal." I don't get it.

I guess the bill doesn't actually get signed until tonight, and the law won't go into effect until this August, so maybe the sky will start falling this summer instead.

Of course, this is really going to change things for my family. Now that "gay marriage" is the law of the land, my own hetero-marriage no longer means anything, so I guess we'll be getting a divorce. He will instead marry a man, and I will marry a woman.  It won't be long before our son comes home and tells us his teacher has picked out a boyfriend for him in his third-grade classroom.

And now that I have to actually explain the gays to the kids, they are going to be so confused and wonder why they even need a mom or dad. After all, the only reason we got married and had a family in the first place is because Jesus told us to. Now I just don't understand what it all meant.

I suppose now my best friend's wedding this summer will be cancelled so she can find a suitable woman to marry instead. I hope she keeps the same bridesmaid dresses though, because I already put a down payment on mine.

Yes, many, many changes are coming. It's going to be insane. You'll see. Just wait until the gays start taking over. It's going to be mass chaos on every level. Just you wait. . . .

Lifestyle Choices

I’ve got something to say. I’m for equal rights just as much as the next gal, but I am sick and tired of the so called “Christian lifestyle” being shoved down my throat every time I turn around. If people want to be Christian, I guess that’s their business, but why do they have to make such a big show out of it? It seems like everywhere I go these days, I see people going into churches, coming out of churches, going back into churches they just came out of, and then coming out of them again, only to then wander off to the Christian bookstore. It’s enough to make your head spin!

I'm trying to raise my kids with proper morals, and it's very difficult to do when they have their friends telling them that church is "normal."  And the public schools, no less, teaching them that it's "okay" to be Christian by letting the kids write essays about their "alternative" families. How am I supposed to answer their questions when they ask me about the people they see on the street and on TV going to church?  I mean, how am I supposed to explain that to them??!!  And don’t even get me started on their "Christian Rights" parades with everyone dancing around in their pleated Dockers and crucifixes.  I mean, children could be watching that for crying out loud! And worst of all, if the culture around them acts like this is all okay, what if they get to their teenage years and start experimenting with Christianity themselves?!

I'm not saying we should throw them in prison or anything (that’s a debate for another time and place), I'm just saying that they shouldn't get any special rights.  I don't get special rights, so why should they? They're still free to go to community centers if they want to.  Those places do fun stuff too. But if they simply must go to church, I don’t want to see it. That’s it. I don’t want to see it. I don’t want my kids to see it. I don’t want my pets to see it. It’s a shameful practice that should be hidden away from the world behind closed doors.

The point is, I don't like Christianity, and therefore we should really not be encouraging it.  We need to keep the traditional definition of who we are. If we start opening the door to Christian rights, it's going to be a slippery slope down to Mormonism.  Soon we'll have street preachers and door knockers and people openly reading their bibles in front of me and my small, impressionable children.  And how am I supposed to take my own secularism seriously if other people are trying to redefine what it means?  This "new normal" is really going to start destroying Unitarian brunch gatherings for everyone.

We need to save the country and the next generation from this menace! Come on people, wake up!!

A personal note to my Christian readers: This is a work of satire.  It is not meant to be taken seriously, only to provoke thought on marriage equality.  I completely support your right to your Christian lifestyle. ;-)

And a humble "thank you" to my baby brother, who helped me tweak this piece with his superior sense of humor.  He should really write his own blog.

My Final Plea

I'm not going to bore you with the reasons that I voted "no" to both constitutional amendments in Minnesota (I already voted absentee).  Instead, I'm going to implore you to vote no as well by writing this final plea.

The Marriage Amendment

Minnesota is asking voters to add a line to the state constitution that says marriage will be henceforth defined as the union of "one man and one woman."  If you're planning to vote yes, then we already disagree on gay marriage, and I probably can't change your mind. But consider this, the rights of the people, any people, should NEVER be voted on by the population at large.  This country was founded on the belief that the rights of the minority should be protected from the will of the majority, or "mob rule." 

No matter what your stance is on gay marriage, you will have the right to express that view whether or not this amendment passes.  Contrary to popular belief, Minnesota is NOT voting on whether or not to legalize gay marriage, unlike the other 3 states voting on this issue.  We are simply voting on how illegal it should be.  Please realize that if you are against gay marriage, then your viewpoint is most likely informed by your religion, and even though your religion may represent the majority view in America, I go back to my original point: we are not supposed to live under mob rule.  Our country is so wonderful because we protect the rights of the minority, not in spite of it.

The Voter ID Amendment

This one is just simple.  It's a solution without a problem.  Voter fraud, especially "in person" voter fraud, which is the only kind of fraud this amendment would impact, is just not a problem in Minnesota.  I have been an election judge here, and I can tell you that our voting system is very safe and sound.  And I'm stunned that the conservatives, the very people who decry wasteful spending, would want to spend so much money providing these ID's and implementing the new system. 

And if you are saying, "OK, but we need an ID to get on an airplane," I can only respond with, "no one has the 'right' to fly on an airplane, but we all have the right to vote."  Not only would this amendment waste a ridiculous amount of taxpayer money in this state, but it would amount to a "poll tax" for many people who would have to pay to get their birth certificate to obtain a "free" ID.  Poll taxes are supposed to be illegal, because they keep the poor from voting.

And my final, final plea on both issues.

The constitution is not the place to decide legislative issues.  We elect representatives so that they can spend the time learning about these issues and making informed decisions.  If they can't do that, and they kick the can to us in the form of constitutional amendments, then they have failed at their job.

So please, please, I'm begging you, do NOT vote "yes" on either of these amendments.  Do you want me to beg?  I'll beg.  Hell, I'll come over and clean your house and babysit your kids so you can have a night out if you'll only vote no.  It's that important.  These are amendments that will have real consequence for real people.  If our lawmakers can't hash out these issue the way they're supposed to, then it's not up to us to do their job for them. 

Please, pretty please, VOTE NO!

(I'll throw in some free leftover Halloween candy?)

Chick-Fil-A

Here in Minnesota, we don't have any Chick-Fil-A restaurants that I know of, so this whole Chick-Fil-A controversy doesn't affect me much.  In case you've been living in a cave and haven't heard about the brouhaha, the owner of Chick-Fil-A did some radio show somewhere in which he professed his disdain of marriage equality.

So now you've got the LGBT community and their allies (like me) boycotting Chick-Fil-A, and religious fundamentalists gorging themselves on chicken sandwiches to support them.

One thing that is kind of bothering me about the marriage equality community's response to this whole thing is the planned "Same Sex Kiss Day" at Chick-Fil-A restaurants around the country that will be held tomorrow.  It seems to me that showing up en masse at Chick-Fil-A's to make out with someone of the same sex only advances the stereotype that gay people are only concerned with sex all the time, and with shoving their "lifestyle" in people's faces. 

What's wrong with a good-ole-fashioned boycott or basic protest?  Or maybe organize an event to go and eat at some alternative chicken restaurant whose owner has some more progressive values? (Not sure which restaurant that would be, but there's got to be one somewhere.) 

I'm just a little concerned about the photos that will pop up from this event, and how they will be perceived by all the bigots out there who already have pre-conceived notions of how gay people "are."  I think the only way to change people's minds is to show them that there really isn't much of a difference between them and someone who they think is different, and most people I know have no interest in making out at a chicken joint.

I know it's not my job to change people's minds, and that we shouldn't kowtow to people who are just ignorant, but overall this could really just give some more ammo to the "being gay is all about sex" crowd.  Maybe I'm wrong about this, and I'd be interested to hear what my LGBT friends would have to say about it.  I just don't see much good coming about due to the event, and I see the potential for a massive backfire.