The Sky is NOT Falling

It's funny. I drove in to work this morning and didn't see any houses repainted in rainbow colors. No children being forcibly removed from their parents.  No gay people having naked parades in the streets. I didn't get a notice from my son's school that they would henceforth be teaching the kids how to have the gay sex, nor did I see any churches burning down. 

You'd almost think that Minnesota's marriage equality law didn't pass yesterday. I mean, things just seem so "normal." I don't get it.

I guess the bill doesn't actually get signed until tonight, and the law won't go into effect until this August, so maybe the sky will start falling this summer instead.

Of course, this is really going to change things for my family. Now that "gay marriage" is the law of the land, my own hetero-marriage no longer means anything, so I guess we'll be getting a divorce. He will instead marry a man, and I will marry a woman.  It won't be long before our son comes home and tells us his teacher has picked out a boyfriend for him in his third-grade classroom.

And now that I have to actually explain the gays to the kids, they are going to be so confused and wonder why they even need a mom or dad. After all, the only reason we got married and had a family in the first place is because Jesus told us to. Now I just don't understand what it all meant.

I suppose now my best friend's wedding this summer will be cancelled so she can find a suitable woman to marry instead. I hope she keeps the same bridesmaid dresses though, because I already put a down payment on mine.

Yes, many, many changes are coming. It's going to be insane. You'll see. Just wait until the gays start taking over. It's going to be mass chaos on every level. Just you wait. . . .

Mother by Choice

This past weekend I went on a wedding gown shopping trip to the "big city" with my BFF, who's getting married this summer.  While we were at the hotel, I called home using "facetime" so I could say goodnight to my family.  While I was cooing and giving googely faces to my 3-year-old, my BFF was sitting on the other bed quietly laughing to herself.  When I finally got off the phone after the hundredth "nigh, nigh Mommy," she said, "If you could have seen yourself doing that 20 years ago you would NOT have believed it." 

And she's right.  Hell, if you had told me 10 years ago I'd be doing that, I would have said you were crazy. Why? Because I was never, and I mean never, going to have children.  I've never thought much of them.  I've never liked holding other people's babies, and honestly, kids have just always creeped me out a little.  Okay, a lot.

So why the big change?  What led me to making strange faces and kissing an image on an iPhone?

Choice.

I made a choice 11 years ago (and then made one again 4 years ago) to have a baby.  After a couple of years of marriage, I thought to myself, "Maybe trying out that whole 'parenting' thing would be an adventure. I mean, how badly could I mess it up, right? Other people have kids all the time and they seem to enjoy it."

So when I found out I was pregnant, it was a moment of happiness (along with a little bit of sheer terror). I never once had to consider getting an abortion.  My pregnancy was planned and at least mostly healthy.  I was not like the many women who get pregnant every day in much less desirable circumstances.

I always hear the old line "I used to be pro-choice, but then I had a baby."  As if it had never occurred to the person where babies actually come from.  But in my case, being pregnant and having children has made me even more pro-choice (if that's possible).  It's easy to talk about pregnancy in abstract terms when you've never been pregnant.  But when you have, there's a whole new appreciation for the experience to go along with the rhetoric. 

I became more staunchly pro-choice because I realized that pregnancy is no day at the park.  Aside from the obvious things like morning sickness, you don't realize what a huge impact it has on your body until you actually go through it.  I remember feeling like I was going through puberty all over again.  And because my pregnancies were both so very wanted, I was able to stick it out and put up with all the indignities of having your body not really belong to you for a little while.  But that was my choice, and no one got to make it for me.

Today my first baby turns nine, and I'm so very glad I let him share my uterus for awhile.  I'm equally as glad I let my just-turned-three-year-old rent out the space as well.  I made two choices that I'm very proud of.  But that doesn't mean my choice is the same one every woman should make.  Every woman has to weigh the circumstances of her life and her body, and she should be as free to make a choice that fits her life as I was.

Happy Holidays vs. Merry Christmas

It's that time of year again.  My favorite time of year.  Christmas.  You know, the holiday we atheists are trying to wage a war on. But oddly enough, I have no interest in waging war on Christmas, and I think if you talked to most atheists, they would feel more or less the same. 

If you live in America, you probably grew up with Christmas in one way or another.  But to the dismay of many Christians, the holiday itself has virtually nothing to do with Christ.  Almost everything you think of when you think "Christmas" has little or nothing to do with Christianity.  Christmas trees, for example, have their roots in paganism, as do the yule log and most of the other decorative aspects of Christmas.  And how do Frosty the Snowman and Santa Claus relate to Jesus?  They don't.  How do we know that Jesus was born on December 25th?  We don't.  In fact historians pretty much agree that he wasn't, if he even existed at all, which is a debate for another time.

But the main crux of the outcries over the "War on Christmas" is the reluctance of us secular progressives to solely use the term "Merry Christmas" when sending greetings to others at this time of year. What they don't seem to get, is that Jesus really isn't the reason for the season.  Winter holidays existed long before the time of Jesus, and it was about gathering with family to celebate and get a break from the hard, cold, dark winter.  In essence, that's what we're all really still celebrating.

I have no problem with saying "Merry Christmas" to people, if I know for a fact that Christmas is what they're actually celebrating.  However, if I'm talking to someone I don't know well, then I probably don't know if they're Jewish, or Muslim, or one of the other countless numbers of people who don't in fact celebrate Christmas in America.  We are, after all, a melting pot of cultures.  "Happy Holidays" is a safe, inclusive alternative to show that you respect whatever this time of year means to whoever you're addressing.  Especially if you run a business, why would you want to potentially alienate a large number of your clientele just to prove some stupid point?

What really bothers me is the fact that these days, there are people who hurl the phrase "Merry Christmas" at you as though it's some kind of warning.  As though they're trying to say, "We Christians are in charge here, and don't you forget it.  And if you're not going to acknowledge that Christmas is the supreme holiday in America, then you should probably just leave."  This sort of thing has happened to me more than once, because people assume that since I'm an atheist, I don't celebrate Christmas.  When in fact, the only difference between the Christmas celebration at my house and the one at theirs is the absence of a nativity scene at mine.  So they're really not offending me nearly as much as they hope they are.

It's all just nonsense.  If you want to say "Merry Christmas" to total strangers, that's your business.  But don't insist on painting the rest of us as thoughtless sheep for jumping on the "Happy Holidays" bandwagon.  It's more than a politically correct phrase (which I know is a topic of never-ending frustration for conservatives). It's a term of inclusiveness; not a rejection of Christmas.  The reason for the season is love, warmth, family and friends (and presents!), not just Jesus.  And we should honor everyone at this time of year, not just Christians.

Giving Thanks

Most people in America think of Thanksgiving as a time to thank God for all of their various blessings throughout the year.  But if you're without a belief in a god, as we are, who do you thank for your blessings? So here's a list I made up, just in time for Turkey Day.

• I thank my husband, for giving me two wonderful children and a happy home.
• I thank my children, for keeping my life so full of excitement and love.
• I thank my parents, not for giving me life, as pretty much anyone can do that, but for making my life what it is, and for being such cool people to hang out with during the holidays.
• I thank my in-laws, for treating me as their own, and giving my children such a wonderful extended family.
• I thank my brother and his wife, for being the kind of people that I look forward to spending time with, rather than just being required to spend time with.
• I thank my friends, who always give without being asked, and who keep me tied to my past and looking forward to my future.
• I thank my neighbors, who make this a great neighborhood to live in.
• I thank my dog, Walter, for keeping me on my toes and providing me with endless hours of stupid entertainment.
• I thank the doctors and nurses, who recently patched up my small intestine (again), so I can enjoy a fantastic Thanksgiving meal.
• I thank the local credit union that gave me a reasonable mortgage, so I could live in this beautiful house.
• I thank Facebook, where I can stay in touch with the family and friends I don't normally get to see face-to-face.
• I thank the people who make and sell the gallons of tea I devour each day.
• I thank all the people out there everywhere, making all the things I enjoy every day often with no thanks and at appalling wages.
• I thank Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert for keeping their eyes on all the shenanigans going on in Washington and informing me of them in a pleasing manner.

There are so many people I have to thank for all of the good things in my life, more than I can possibly mention in one meaningless blog post, but none of them are an invisible god.

So tomorrow, my husband and sons will head on over to the in-laws for a wonderful meal. I'll be staying home continuing my recovery from surgery, but that's ok, because I know I'll be there next year.  And anyway, it will give me extra time to catch up on all of the TV shows I'm thankful for, and spend the day perusing Pinterest, one more thing I'm deeply grateful for.  And on Sunday, my family will come over here for a second meal, so I will get to watch my toddler make my mother chase him down and catch him just to get one hug.  It's completely adorable.

Then, at some point this weekend, my husband will put up our Christmas tree, so we can begin our annual "war on Christmas" by partaking in every Christmas tradition imaginable, and all will be right with the world.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Religions, They are a Changin'

I have three, count 'em, three, very cool cousins who have radically changed their religions in the past few years.  Two became Catholics and one is now an Evangelical.  If you're reading this, don't worry, I'm not talking about you.  The three I speak of don't read my blog.  One is on facebook, but he unfriended me, I'm assuming because he didn't like my confrontational replies to the BS he was posting. 

This really distresses me.  Not so much the fact that they changed their religions.  People are free to do what they want.  What bugs me is that these were three of my favorite relatives.  All of them used to babysit my brother and I when we were kids, and they were the cool, pizza-ordering, cartoon-watching grown-ups we really looked up to and admired.  As adults, I also really liked all of them.  They were just so cool and down to Earth and fun to talk to.  One of them used to call me when I was in the hospital with one of my Crohn's flare-ups and give me pep talks because he deals with a similar disease.

But now, it's as if they all made a radical 180 in their personalities.  With the exception of one, the other two have become totally different people.  They now seem to put the church and their new radically conservative ideologies above their friends and family.  One of those two didn't come to our annual family reunion this year.  I can only guess, since we don't really talk anymore, but I'm assuming it's because he didn't want to hang out with the rest of us heathens.

The other two were at the reunion, where I missed out on an apparently epic conversation on religion.  Another cousin, we'll call her "Jennie," filled me in on the conversation that took place after I had taken my kids home.  The discussion had turned to gay marriage.  To make sense of the conversation, you need to know that one of these guy's daughters is a lesbian.  When asked by Jennie if he would walk her down the aisle if she got married, he answered, "no."  When she asked the other guy, who is this girl's uncle, if he would come to her wedding if she decided to get married, he also answered, "no."

Their reasoning was that a gay marriage was not a "real" marriage because it was not sanctioned by the church, therefore it didn't deserve their respect or time.  Jennie pointed out to them that my marriage was also not sanctioned by the church, but my dad walked me down the aisle and they both came to my wedding (although, to be fair, that was in their pre-bible-banging days).  They explained to her that my marriage was also not "real," and by extension, I guess my brother's marriage and my parent's marriage are also not "real" because none of them were sanctioned by a church.  Although I might point out that all of those marriages are still going strong despite the absence of god, while many "real" marriages I know of have fallen apart.

What worries me the most about this phenomenon is, could it happen to me?  Could I hit 40 and all of a sudden decide to find Jesus?  That would be truly tragic, since I like my life the way it is now.  And I simply can't understand how finding Jesus causes you to lose your family if they don't agree with your new doctrine on life. 

It seems like an epic waste of faith.