So, About Al Franken. . .

Full disclosure, I'm copying this post directly from a comment I made in a private group on Facebook. I don't have the time or mental energy to put my thoughts together in any sort of coherent manner a second time. Enjoy!

This one is complex for me. And it’s hard to talk about because the issue seems to have lost any and all semblance of nuance (at least that I’ve encountered). So I want to make just a few comments to get them out of my head and up for discussion.

1. I’m still not fully convinced of his guilt. And I say this being completely on board with the concept of believing women. I know that in most of these cases, there simply won’t be any “evidence” because of the nature of the crime. And therefore we should err on the side of believing the women that speak up. I’m fully behind that idea and I’m not claiming that we should discount the women who have come forward solely based on the lack of solid evidence.

2. I’m very disappointed by all of the slut-shaming that has been happening in regard to Tweeden, as it makes absolutely no difference what she may or may not have done in her past. Groping is still groping. Using the “yeah but she posed nude” argument is not useful or okay, and I’ve been hearing far too much of that from the left. That said, I’m not sure I believe her. For a few reasons. One, a key part of her claim is that she believes Franken made up the skit in question as an excuse to be able to kiss/grope her. That’s simply not true, and she knows it. The same skit had been happening, with other performers, since before she was on the USO tour (which she had to have known). So the fact that she lied about this fundamental aspect of the story makes me question the rest of her story, as does the fact that she seems to be getting a lot of press for her new radio station out of this. Given that this same skit had been prepared and performed before Tweeden, it would make sense to me that other performers would come out with similar stories about this skit (or any other skit). But we haven’t heard from any of them, anonymously or otherwise.

3. The groping during photo ops. I also have a hard time believing this is accurate. Given the sheer volume of pictures this man takes with people every year, if this were truly something that he did, I’d expect to hear from many, many more women reporting it. As a person very close to MN politics, and someone who has met Al and taken several pictures with him, I would have thought that I would have heard “rumblings” about this type of behavior well before now. If there is a guy groping women during photo ops, I would expect that those of us involved in MN politics should have at least heard rumors before now. Maybe a “heads up, that guy likes to grab butts while he’s taking pics - watch out.” But I’ve literally never heard any such thing. And neither has anyone else I’ve ever spoken to involved in MN politics. Which doesn’t mean it wasn’t happening; it’s just surprising to me that women wouldn’t have been warning each other before this. And maybe they were, and I just never heard it. I don’t know. I will say that when you take a pic with Al, he pulls you in close and generally puts his arm around your waist. I can see how this would make some people feel uncomfortable. But again, he takes hundreds (probably thousands) of photos with people a year. It would not shock me to find out that he had “misplaced” a hand once or twice. Again, NOT saying it never happened, just my reasons for doubting.

4. The Tweeden picture. It was clearly in bad taste, but I also think it’s clear he wasn’t actually touching her. That’s not an excuse, but I do think there’s a difference between touching and not touching. Doesn’t mean he wasn’t in the wrong. I just don’t think “groping” is an accurate representation of what was going on in that photo. I also find it odd that he would take that picture knowing full well that she would see it if there was any malicious intent behind it. Not that intent matters, necessarily, especially in relation to how the woman felt about it, but I do think it goes to the “level” of what kind of “wrong” this was. This was a picture taken by the photographer who was documenting the trip, and they all knew they’d all be getting copies of the pics at the end of the trip.

5. The apology. If you listen carefully, Al has been very deliberate about not “confessing” to anything other than the Tweeden picture. I think he was trying to tread a fine line between not admitting guilt (because he knew he wasn’t guilty) and not straight up calling the women liars. He knew claiming that they lied would make the whole thing worse, but it put him in a tough position. Does he admit to something he didn’t do, or does he protest and just have everyone assume he’s lying and trying to disrespect the women? It’s an impossible situation to be in.

6. Bottom line, my main reason for questioning the claims made is that Al is a very smart guy. He fought hard for his senate seat, and he took the position very seriously. Those of us in MN saw that. He refused to joke at all on the campaign trail or anywhere else for a few years at the beginning just because he wanted people to know that this was something he was taking seriously. I really, genuinely, have a hard time believing he’d be so cavalier with people (especially constituents), and risk losing that seat because he wanted to be able to grab some butts or make out with a model. He’s not stupid. He would have known that these things could be found out at any time, and he surely would have known what it would have done to his career.

But, in this moment, he also knew that trying to protest the accusations was a no-win game. It doesn’t matter if he actually did it or not, because believing women first is finally becoming the standard. And that’s a good thing for society. But in this instance, I really think an innocent man may have gotten thrown under the bus. It makes me sad. I hope he didn’t do these things, and I think I have decent reasons to believe he didn’t. Either way, it’s over now and we’ve lost one of the best senators we had. And those of us who elected him and fought for him had no say in the matter. He called for an ethics investigation into himself, and we didn’t even let that play out. I find that disheartening, and it makes me sad that all of the arguments I’m hearing on all sides of this are terrible. So basically, yeah. This whole thing just sucks.

Handy Dandy Guide to NOT Sexually Harassing Someone

Are you someone who is worried about being accused of sexual harassment? Do you live in perpetual fear that someone you flirted with might accuse you of having done something inappropriate, thereby ruining your reputation as a "good guy?" Well fear no more, dear readers! This post is for you!

**Please note, this post will ONLY help you avoid charges of sexual harassment, not rape. I'm saving rape for a different post.**

(Okay, that sounded weird. . . .)

The Liberal House on the Prairie Handy Dandy Step-by-Step Guide to Not Being Accused of Sexual Harassment™

Let's take this in stages. If you've ever asked yourself any of the following questions, refer to my practical advice on how to make sure you don't later get accused of doing something "bad."

Section 1 - Dick Pics

Q: I like someone, and I want to send them a dick pic. Is that okay?

Follow these steps to decide what to do: 

Step 1. Is your dick the most majestic, most glorious dick that this person will probably ever have seen?

• Yes? Proceed to step 2. 
• No? Proceed to step 2.

Step 2. Has this person specifically asked you to send them a dick pic? 

• Yes? Congratulations! You can send the dick pic! 
• No? Proceed to step 3.

Step 3. Is the person you want to send the dick pic to someone you know?

• Yes? Proceed to step 4.
• No? Proceed to step 5.

Step 4. Ask the person, politely, if you may send them a dick pic. What is their answer?

• Yes? Congratulations! You can send the dick pic! 
• No? Proceed to step 5.

Step 5. DO. NOT. SEND. THE. DICK. PIC. FULL STOP.

Section 2 - Flirting in Real Life (or "IRL" as the kids say)

Q: I like someone, and I'd like to flirt with them. Is that okay?

Follow these steps to decide what to do: 

Step 1. Are you drunk?

• Yes? Rethink this whole thing and maybe try again when you're sober.
• No? Proceed to step 2.

Step 2. Approach the person and engage in light, not creepy conversation. Examples include, "Can I buy you a cup of coffee?" or "Hi, my name is <insert real name here>. I saw you from across the room and decided I just really wanted to meet you." Ask them if they'd like to talk and/or get some coffee. What is their response?

• Yes? Proceed to step 3.
• "Sure, maybe, sometime. . . .I have to go check on my friends. . . " Proceed to step 5.
• No? Proceed to step 5.

Step 3. Get to know them. Ask them questions about their interests. Try not to be creepy about it. Ask them if they'd like to meet again for a date. How do they answer?

• Yes? Proceed to step 4.
• "Sure, maybe, sometime. . . .I have to go check on my friends. . . " Proceed to step 5.
• No? Proceed to step 5.

Step 4. Go out on a date with them. Repeat this process until you're either in a committed relationship with them or you part ways.

Step 5. Leave them alone! They're not interested! FFS! 

• Do NOT continue to ask them either now or at a later date. 
• Do NOT explain to them how much you really like them (because that doesn't fucking matter - they owe you nothing). 
• You are going to turn into a straight up stalker and be accused of sexual harassment. Because you are now committing sexual harassment.

Section 3 - Flirting Online 

Q: I like someone, and I'd like to flirt with them on the website/app of my choice. Is that okay?

Follow these steps to decide what to do: 

Step 1. Are you drunk?

• Yes? Rethink this whole thing and maybe try again when you're sober.
• No? Proceed to step 2.

Step 2. Are you on Facebook?

• Yes? First consider that for most people, Facebook is not a dating site. Most people are NOT there looking for new romantic relationships. But if you must, proceed to step 3, with caution.
• No? Proceed to step 3.

Step 3. Follow ALL of the same rules from Section 2, as well as reviewing Section 1.

• Even though you're online, there's an actual human being at the other end of that Internet connection. 
• Your actions online have real life consequences. Don't believe me? Ask Anthony Weiner. Although, if you do ask him, you'll probably get an unsolicited dick pic in return. So maybe don't ask him.

Step 4. If, at ANY time, the person you are flirting with online asks you to stop contacting them, stop contacting them. 

• No need to respond with a "fine, you're a skanky ass bitch anyway." Just leave it alone. Cease contact, and leave them the fuck alone. 
• Do not explain to them how you REALLY like them (because that doesn't fucking matter - they owe you nothing). 
• You are going to turn into a straight up stalker and be accused of sexual harassment. Because you are now committing sexual harassment.

Section 4 - Workplace Crushes

Q: I like someone at work and would like to pursue them romantically. Is that okay?

Follow these steps to decide what to do: 

Step 1. Read this article, because it puts it into much better perspective than I can. And because my fingers are getting tired from typing.

Section 5 - Being in a Position of Power

Q: I'm the President of the United States and I really want to hit on some chicks. Is that okay?

A: No. Absolutely not. You're a fucking monster who should be in prison for a variety of reasons.

So there you have it. Everything you need to make good choices going forward and not be accused of sexual harassment. You're all set! You got this. I believe in you.

Shout Out to The Orbit

The Orbit: Atheist Social Justice Blogging Site Launches

A new atheist blogging site, dedicated to working on social justice both in and out of organized atheism, launches today. Located at the-orbit.net, The Orbit is being created by bloggers from all corners of progressive atheism, including the Freethought Blogs network, the Patheos Atheist channel, Skepchick, and independent blogs.

“The word ‘orbit’ resonates with what we’re doing, on many levels,” says Greta Christina. “We love the connection with science and astronomy, with Galileo and other heretics who changed the world — and we love the reminder that we all orbit something and none of us is the center of the universe.”

The Orbit is a diverse collective of atheist, humanist, and other non-religious bloggers who are committed to social justice, both within organized atheism and outside it. “It’s not just atheism that’s struggling with social justice,” says D. Frederick Sparks. “Organizations across the board are neglecting the needs of marginalized people, and aren’t willing to look at the ways they make those people feel unwelcome. We plan to be one of the outposts for social justice atheism — but also for social justice in every community we care about.”

Bloggers at The Orbit include Alex Gabriel, Alix Jules, Alyssa Gonzalez, Ani, Ania Bula, Aoife O’Riordan, Ashley F. Miller, Benny Vimes, Brianne Bilyeu, Chris Hall, D. Frederick Sparks, Dana Hunter, Dori Mooneyham, Greta Christina, Heina Dadabhoy, Jason Thibeault, Luxander Pond, Miri Mogilevsky, Niki M., Sincere Kirabo, Stephanie Zvan, Tony Thompson, and Zinnia Jones, with a lineup that is continuing to grow. “We’re extremely proud of our team,” says Tony Thompson. “They represent some of the strongest, most insightful voices in atheism.” The Orbit is structured as a collective, with all bloggers having a voice in decisions and contributing to day-to-day operations. The site is launching a Kickstarter campaign to cover operating costs and pay bloggers for their work.

The network plans to continue a friendly, collegial relationship with bloggers at Freethought Blogs, Skepchick, Patheos Atheist, and elsewhere. “There’s room for lots of blog networks and media sites in organized atheism,” says Luxander Pond. “This is a fast-growing community.” Recent major changes at Freethought Blogs provided many Orbiters with the impetus and opportunity to rethink what they wanted from a blog network. “Ultimately,” says Stephanie Zvan, “we decided to seize the opening to build something new, with a new structure and vision.”

More information is available at the-orbit.net/about-us. 

An Open Letter to the Republican Party

Dear Republicans,

I see that you're trying to distance yourselves from Donald Trump. You've realized, no doubt, that he's a bumbling buffoon of a man who will forever tarnish the proud legacy of the Grand Old Party.

But here's the thing: you created this guy. He is the living embodiment of all the hate you've spewed out into the world over the past 40 or so years. As much as you may be trying to backpedal now, the simple fact is that you created this monster.

You may not like the way he says things, but he's just taken your game to the inevitable next level. All those years of dog-whistle politics have finally culminated in this man. He's not saying anything new. He's just saying the things you've been saying for years without the thin veneer of civility that you think you're so good at hiding behind.

People like him because he says out loud the things you've been saying behind closed doors for years. He doesn't hide his hatred behind the talking points that Frank Luntz has been giving you. He makes plain what you think deep down inside. He gives people permission to be open about their darkest, ugliest feelings. He gives them permission to say the things they've been wanting to say this whole time; that black people are innately worse than white people, that immigrants are criminals who want to steal all of our nice stuff, that poor people just aren't trying hard enough, and that America was better when women knew their place and men (well, the white ones anyway) were free to take what was theirs.

And I'm glad that he scares you. Because now you see how scared the rest of us have been all of this time.

You can't spend years pushing policies that hurt minorities, women, and immigrants, and then pretend to be shocked, SHOCKED I tell you, when someone says all of that disgusting shit out loud.

You may not like him, but you own him. He's yours. Now you can try to find a way to deal with him. Before it's too late for everyone.

The War on Christmas

As part of my annual "War on Christmas," I submitted an entry for the local paper's segment on Christmas Stories. From the paper's website:

"The stories of Christmas have been a Dispatch favorite since 1988. Each year we get wonderful stories, some humorous and light-hearted; others are thoughtful, touching remembrances. Winners are published in the Christmas Eve edition of the Dispatch. Stories should be 300 words or less."

My submission:

"I’m an atheist. But if you ask me what my favorite holiday is, I will tell you it’s Christmas. Hands down. No contest. For me, it really is “the most wonderful time of the year.” I struggled with my utter devotion to Christmas for a few years after becoming an atheist. I felt like a hypocrite; rejecting religion on the one hand, while embracing a religious holiday on the other. 

But after doing some basic research into the roots of Christmas, I was able to relax and enjoy the holiday for what it really is; a break from the cold days of winter. An excuse to bring some greenery and lights inside your home when it’s dark and gray outside.  An occasion to get together with all of those people you may not see during the rest of the year. An opportunity to show your love through food. A chance to watch your children’s eyes light up as they open that present they’ve been begging for. A time to remember your own childhood, and reminisce with the ones you love.  All of these things remain special and magical to us, even if Jesus isn’t part of our equation. 

Your atheist neighbors aren’t out to wage a “War on Christmas.” Many of us love it just as much as you do! We just celebrate it our own way, with our own family traditions, and accept it as the cultural holiday that it is.  When we say “Happy Holidays,” it’s not because we hate Christmas.  It’s simply an acknowledgement that not everyone celebrates it. Because we know what it’s like to be part of the “out group,” and we don’t want others to feel the isolation that we’re so familiar with. So, from my family to yours, have a very Merry Christmas!"

Guess we'll have to wait until next week to see if I win! :-)

Fixing the System

So I finally watched the Vice Special Report, "Fixing The System" last night. Even though I didn't really learn anything new (I was already keenly aware of how incredibly unjust our "justice" system is), it was utterly heartbreaking to watch nonetheless. My husband had not heard the "1 in 3" stat of how many black men will end up in jail over the course of their lives, and he kept saying "1 in 3!! Jesus Christ!!" at multiple points while we were watching it. I've never felt my own privilege more keenly in my life.

Two things really disappointed me about the film though:

(1) Absolutely NO discussion of the for-profit prison model that is a huge contributing factor to how many people we jail in this country.

(2) President Obama seemed to talk more about communities of color "fixing" their communities, rather than the government actually taking action to fix the incredibly unfair systems (like the failed "war on drugs") that are in place that lead directly to this travesty of justice.

In any case, it's a must watch for everyone in America.

#IStandWithPlannedParenthood

Luckily for my avid readers, I just finished watching the shitshow of a "hearing" to de-fund Planned Parenthood, so you don't have to. I watched the first one on Sept 9th, which was similarly horrible, but the McCarthy-esque witch hunt against Cecile Richards last Tuesday was an absolute travesty beyond words. 

So, without further adieu, here is my summarized transcript of the entire hearing.

Generic Republican 1: "Thanks for coming Ms. Richards. You suck and we all hate you more than you can possibly imagine."

Cecile Richards: "No problem. I love to spend my time answering stupid questions from stupid people."

G.R.1.: "Are you aware that Planned Parenthood SELLS BABY PARTS???!!!!!"

C.R.: "No, actually we don't."

G.R.1.: "Yes you do!! I saw it on a video!!"

C.R.: "Again, no we don't."

G.R.1.: "Okay, then how about you tell me how much profit you make MURDERING INNOCENT BABIES!!"

C.R.: "We're a non-profit organization. We don't make a 'profit' on anything."

G.R.1.: "Yeah right. I'm a Republican so I know how business works. You're making a profit on abortion, and it's huge."

C.R.: "We're not a business, we're a nonprofit organization. We don't make a profit. On anything."

G.R.1.: "Why are you being so secretive about how much profit you make on abortions?!"

C.R.: "I'm not being secretive. We gave you copies of all of our financial statements already. We don't make a profit."

G.R.1.: "Look at this chart I found that shows how many abortions you do and how many Pap smears you DON'T. Why do you do so many abortions?! I hate abortions!!"

C.R.: "That chart is from an anti-abortion group. And it's not actually a chart."

G.R.1.: "Agree to disagree."

Generic Democrat 1: "I'm so sorry my idiot colleagues are being such assholes. We all know this is a charade."

C.R.: "Thanks. You rock."

Generic Republican 2: "You're a horrible person. I don't know how you sleep at night. I have grand-kids you know. Why do you want to kill my grand-kids?!."

C.R.: "I don't."

G.R.2.: "Yeah right, you just LOVE murdering grand-babies. And while we're on the subject, why should taxpayers have to pay for your abortions?"

C.R.: "They don't. Federal tax money can't go to abortion. You know this."

G.R.2.: "But you're doing it anyway, right?"

C.R.: "No."

Generic Democrat 2: "We're all so sorry these pricks are being such pricks. Seems like we could be doing something better with our time."

C.R.: "Probably."

Generic Republican 3: "Why aren't you giving people more mammograms? My mom had breast cancer, so I love mammograms. How many of those do you do?"

C.R.: "We've actually never done mammograms at Planned Parenthood. We don't have radiology facilities. We do breast exams, and refer people who need mammograms to radiology clinics. Just like every other doctor in the world."

G.R.3.: "But you 'claim' to do breast exams."

C.R.: "Actually, breast exams and mammograms are two different things."

G.R.3.: "Ha! So you ADMIT that you don't do mammograms!?"

C.R.: "Yup, you got me."

Generic Democrat 3: "Seriously though, I am SO sorry about this."

Generic Republican 4: "Ms. Richards, can you please explain to me why you 'claim' to do breast exams, when your reports show that you don't seem to do ANY mammograms?"

C.R.: "Jesus Christ. Did we not just go through this?"

G.R.4.: "I'm just trying to figure out why y'all think you're so great over there at 'Planned Parenthood' when you obviously aren't doing any of the mammograms you claim to be doing. I mean, if you 'care' about women so much, why are you letting them all die from breast cancer?!"

C.R.: <look of disbelief>

Generic Democrat 4: "I just can't even believe this shit."

Generic Republican 5: "Ms. Richards, did you know that my wife is a nurse? She's a woman. And she's pro-life. BOOM! There goes your stupid idea about women wanting choices."

C.R.: "That's great. Life is about choices. Your wife is free to believe whatever she wants to."

G.R.5.: "Have you heard the good news about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ? Don't you know he hates abortions? Why can't you just stop it with the abortions?! STOP IT!!! NOW!!!

C.R.: "Uuuummmmm. . . ."

Generic Democrat 5: <shakes head in sad and hopeless manner>

Generic Republican 6: "Can we go back to this mammogram issue?"

Like, 60 hours later. . . . 

Generic Republican 17: "I still don't understand why y'all are lying about the mammograms."

Generic Democrat 16: "I can't believe we're still here."

Generic Republican 18: "Let's go back to the chart we saw earlier."

C.R.: "Still not accurate, and still not a chart."

G.R.18.: "I want to know why your Pap smear numbers are going down while your abortion numbers are going up. It's because you just love doing abortions way more and are refusing to give women Pap smears, right?"

C.R.: "Actually, it's because the medical guidelines have changed so that most women only need a Pap smear every three years instead of every one year. It's science."

G.R.18.: "But that doesn't account for the number of Pap smears going down."

C.R.: "Actually, it does."

G.R.18.: "Nuh uh. You're probably just refusing to give women their Pap smears so you can free up more time for abortions. You're probably keeping women from getting Pap smears just like you're denying them mammograms. Have I mentioned what a horrible person you are?"

C.R.: "Yes, you have. Thank you."

Generic Democrat 17: "For the love of God. Is this really happening?"

Generic Republican 19: "Madam, I don't know how you sleep at night. I'm not trying to be disrespectful, but you are the scum on the bottom of the devil's shoes. I wish we could still burn sinners like you alive. In fact, I'm authoring a bill to do just that as we speak. Not only do you cut up babies into tiny pieces, which I know for a fact because I heard there was a video of it, but you also have the audacity to deny women desperately needed mammograms. How dare you madam? How dare you?"

C.R.: "Was that a question?"

Generic Republican 20: "It has come to my attention that you have a higher salary than I do. I'm a Congressman. And a man! And I'm white!! How is that fair?! If you really cared about women like you claim to, you'd take all that fancy money that you spend on shoes and lipstick and use it to give women mammograms! The nerve of some people!!"

Generic Republican 21: "Can you tell me why you only give money to Democrats? I mean, Republicans like money too. Seems pretty partisan to me. Super unfair. Are you involved in some sort of conspiracy with the Democrat Party? You are, right? Why should the taxpayers give you all this money for abortions when you just turn around and give it all to the goddamned Democrats?! Huh? Explain that!!"

C.R.: "Again, taxpayers don't pay for abortions, and we'd be happy to give money to any Republicans who support a woman's right to choose. Unfortunately, they don't seem to exist."

Generic Republican 22: "Can we just get back to why you do SO MANY abortions and SO FEW mammograms??!!"

Generic Republican 23: "I still want to know why you're being so dodgy about how few Pap smears you do. Is it because you use all that taxpayer money for abortions instead?! Huh? HUH??!!"

Like, 127 hours later. . . 

Generic Democrat 23: "Well, I think we can all agree that we've learned nothing useful here today. You're welcome taxpayers.

**************************************************************************

NOTE: The above was a piece of satire. The actual hearing was about a million times more ridiculous. You can watch it here if you want your brain to melt permanently.

Congressional Sideshow

I've just spent a few hours listening to the clusterfuck that was today's House Judiciary Committee hearings on de-funding Planned Parenthood.  I can't even attempt to clarify all of my thoughts on the horror show I just witnessed, so I think I'll just go into a free-form rant.

What the fuck Congress?!

Really?! There's NOTHING more pressing to the country than putting on a 3-ring circus to trot out every tired old stereotype about abortion and Planned Parenthood?

There were four witnesses at this hearing. Three were "pro-life," and one was "pro-choice." So that's definitely fair. Not a single one of the four was actually any sort of medical expert, and not a single one had any actual affiliation with Planned Parenthood.  In fact, Planned Parenthood wasn't even invited to defend themselves!

Let's be clear. The government does not just hand over a stack of cash to Planned Parenthood every year. When they talk about "de-funding" Planned Parenthood, what they're actually talking about is just excluding people who are on Medicaid from using Planned Parenthood as their provider, and preventing Planned Parenthood from using Title X birth control funding from going to underwrite birth control expenses for Planned Parenthood patients (not abortion!). Federal money already doesn't go to abortion due to the stupid fucking Hyde Amendment.

Two of the witnesses were "abortion survivors." People who were the product of a "botched abortion." While they had heartfelt stories to tell, they had no actual understanding of what Planned Parenthood actually does; they were just there because they want to end abortion. They were trotted out as props of the anti-choice movement. Their quarrel isn't necessarily with Planned Parenthood, but with abortion in general. Abortion is already legal. End of story. So what the fuck is this even about?!

And Jesus Christ, if I had a nickel for every mention of God in this proceeding, I'd finally be a rich blogger! Is this how we legislate now? My religious feelings were hurt, so let's make it illegal? Oh yeah, I forgot, that IS how we legislate now. The religious sentiments of the minority now outweigh the rights of the majority.

And this whole "I don't want my tax dollars to fund abortion" shtick is getting just a little bit nauseating. You know what I don't want MY tax dollars going to? Crisis pregnancy centers, fighting never ending wars in the Middle East, tax breaks to corporations, need I go on? But guess what, our tax system is not á la carte. None of us get to pick and choose what our taxes do and don't fund, except through the system by which we elect representatives. and from the Republican crop of Congressmen I just saw, we're not doing a very good job at that. 

All this hearing did was allow a bunch a biblical literalist blowhards to pontificate on their poor hurt feelings over the fact that their precious tax dollars go to an organization they don't agree with. An organization, to be clear, which PREVENTS more abortions than ANY other single organization in the country! What in the hell do they not get about the link between low cost birth control and preventing abortion??!!

No wonder people hate politics when this is what we have to work with! The rank stupidity and lack of ability to comprehend nuance is just gross. I get why anti-abortion advocates don't like abortion. It's easy to understand because it doesn't require any sort of thoughtful reflection. Abortion = murder, God says so, end of story. I get that. What I don't get is their willful ignorance to even attempt to understand why bodily autonomy might be important to women! I realize it requires more than a modicum of thinking to wrap your brain around, but could they at least give it a try sometime?!

I just can't. I'm so sick of this shit. We have totally given up on rationality and evidence based discussion and given in to pandering of the most sickening kind. I think I'm going to need a month long break from the media after this. If you want to watch this appalling shit show for yourself, which I would not recommend, you can do so here.  But seriously, do yourself a favor and watch cute kitten videos instead.


P.S. - If you want to hear a more thoughtful and less profane version of my thoughts on this, listen to my recent interview on the Sober Atheist podcast.

Clown Car Politics

I haven't written a post in quite some time; mainly because I have children and a job. But my favorite uncle gave me some grief about my noticeable absence at our annual family reunion, so I decided to take the 5 minutes and find something to write about.

Republicans.

Why?

Donald Trump?

Really?!

What the fu. . . .

He said what?!

Why?

Raping who?

Where?

I don't get it.

No, seriously, I don't get it.

Just why?!

Wait, I'm finding sympathy for Megyn Kelly somehow?

How did this happen?!

Seriously America?

Please stop.

I mean it.

Oh, and stop it with the other 6,000 idiot Republican candidates too. They're all horrible.

Except John Kasich. I at least probably wouldn't have to move to Sweden if he were somehow miraculously elected.

The end.

On Cloud Nine

I am positively ecstatic this morning! A few days ago, I submitted a piece for the local paper to use as a "guest editorial." After a few days, I had given up hope that it would make it through the conservative editorial staff, but this morning, I woke up to an email from the Freedom From Religion Foundation asking permission to reprint my letter in their national newsletter. I quickly went to the local paper's website, and there it was. I couldn't be happier. Not only that they published it, and that it might get some national attention, but that it means other atheists and freethinkers in my small town now know that they are not alone, and that there is a community waiting for them. Here is the text of the letter:

"I recently read a guest opinion piece that seemed to make the case for religion as a necessary tool for moral behavior. As an atheist, I often hear that there can be no morality without the absolutes of the Bible (or any other holy book). However, I've found that morality can be quite easily boiled down to one simple piece of guidance, which is commonly referred to as "the golden rule." 

While the phrase "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" can be found in some form in the Bible, I'm confident that we as a species could have figured this one out on our own. It's really quite simple. Why, as an atheist, don't I run around murdering people? Because I have no desire to do so, and even if I did, I am equipped with empathy and can understand how that action would hurt someone else. Why don't I go around driving my car at 100 miles per hour when I feel like it? Because I'm aware of the danger that puts not only myself in, but my fellow humans as well should I happen to crash. 

I have had no trouble raising children without the mandates of any religion. They are simply taught to use the empathy and compassion they were born with to treat other people with respect and kindness. If they wouldn't like someone hitting them with a stick, then why would they go around hitting someone else with one? It's not a terribly difficult concept to understand, even for children. In fact, when I look around at the world today, I see a direct correlation between the people committing the worst atrocities against humanity, and religion. 

I get together regularly with a group of atheists, agnostics, and "freethinkers" as some people prefer to call themselves, and they are some of the kindest, most generous people I've ever had the privilege of knowing. And the interesting thing is, they aren't "good" because they are trying to earn their way to heaven, or win favor with a deity. They are good because they genuinely care about their fellow human beings, and want what's best for everyone. We have evolved as a species to care about each other. It's the only way we can survive. If we didn't have that sense of built in empathy, we would have become extinct long ago. 

I think it's far nobler a pursuit to really wrestle together with questions of ethics, than to evade our responsibility and just parrot edicts that were written down thousands of years ago. It's too easy to not have to really think about the consequences of our actions when we can just point to a book and say "but God said so." In no other realm of understanding is faith seen as a good way of knowing anything about the universe. We don't understand math because we take it on faith. So why should we stop wondering at the many mysteries the universe still has for us to find answers to? Leaving it to faith is giving up, and deciding that we don't need to seek any further understanding of our lives. In my opinion, that stance does not get us any further as a species. It only leaves us standing still; unable to progress and make life better for everyone."

Ode to Humanity

It's easy to get down on living in a small town. Not much to do, limited options, and LOTS of Republicans to deal with. But yesterday, I had the kind of day that reminded me that it also has its perks.

I went to the tiny mall to get some earrings, and ran into a friend from high school who I now keep up with on Facebook. She just got a job at the local pharmacy I use (when you have Crohn's disease, you take a lot of meds). We talked for a little bit about our kids and the local schools, and I was reminded just how much I really like her. She's a very cool person (and she complimented me on my blog the other day at the pharmacy, which always helps). I'm looking forward to getting to know her again.

After the mall, I headed to Target to get the usual supply of make up, snacks and interesting clearanced out items that I don't actually need. At the checkout, there was an older woman behind me who got very excited when she found a DVD of The Hunger Games at the checkout. The man she was with started teasing her about liking it, and I piped in about how much I loved it too. We had a nice little moment discussing how, yes, we know it's supposed to be for teenagers, but it's still really good.

While I was checking out, a new friend of mine who works at Target stopped over to say "hi." She has attended get togethers for my atheist group a few times, and is one of those people who just immediately makes you smile, because she's always smiling too. We also shared a nice little moment bonding over our shared love of Peeps marshmallow treats. Because seriously, if you don't love Peeps, there's just something wrong with you.

After Target, it was time for my monthly coffee meet up with my atheist group. The group started small a few years ago, and has grown beyond my wildest dreams since then. I have met some of the most caring, funny, kind and generous people through this group, and I'm reminded every time we get together how lucky I am to count them as my friends. We had two new people join us (a mother and daughter), and they just instantly connected with the rest of the group. When atheists and liberals find each other in a small town, it's a beautiful thing.

Don't get me wrong; there are things I hate about living here too (way too much nature for starters). But I was reminded yesterday that I have such a great family, great neighbors, and so many great people around me who enrich my life all of the time. I would say I was blessed, if I actually believed there was anyone doing the blessing. :-)

In Which I Weigh in on Vaccines and Then Duck

Vaccinations have become a hot topic of late, and since they are apparently now a political issue, I feel the need to put in my "official" two cents. I'm hesitant to do this, because I have good friends and close relatives who are anti-vax, and I really don't want to offend or hurt them. But I'm putting this out there anyway, and am going to let the chips fall where they may.

I have two kids. Both have received every vaccination suggested by their pediatrician, a man who I respect and trust. He went to medical school, and he keeps up on the latest medical research, something I cannot do because I am not a trained pediatrician, and have no skill in deciphering medical studies and research. Therefore, when my kids are sick, I take them to see the doctor, and he tells me what the best course of action is. He always takes into account my input as a parent, since clearly I know my kids better than he does, but I'm willing to take his word that "medicine A" will help with "illness B."  I've never once felt like he was jumping too quickly to a pharmaceutical solution when one wasn't warranted, and he's never pressured me to use any medication on my children.

I once asked him about the vaccination debate, (just out of curiosity - I wasn't trying to make a decision either way for my kids, as they had already gotten their shots). This is what he told me: "If there were any danger to giving kids vaccinations, and I was only doing it to make money for myself and a drug company, then I would just give them to other kids and not my own. But honestly, vaccinations are not a money making proposition, for doctors at least. In fact, we generally break even or take a loss on them. But really, why would I give them to my own kids if I had any question at all about the safety? I would just give them to other people's kids and rake in the dough."

Now, obviously this is just one doctor's take on the issue. He can't speak for the whole of the medical community. But still, it makes sense. He has a son the same age as mine, and I trust that he's confident enough in what he's giving his own son, so I don't worry about him doing the same with my son. He's just more knowledgeable than I am on the subject, period. And no amount of Googling is going to earn me a medical degree.

The reason I think this is such a tough issue for many people is that the pharmaceutical industry certainly hasn't given anyone any reason to trust them. Do they do shady shit for the sake of profits? Definitely. Are people in America over-medicating themselves? Probably. Do drug reps trade free lunches for the chance to get doctors prescribing their products? For sure. I used to work at a clinic, and the free lunches were the best part of the job.

But does any of that mean that vaccines aren't safe and effective? No. How do we know this? Scientific evidence. Why should we trust scientific evidence? Because of the scientific method. Why should we trust the scientific method? Because it's been proven time and again to work. The science on vaccines is not unclear. Vaccines have been studied, and studied, and studied. And while there is always a small risk with any medication, there is a much bigger risk to NOT getting vaccinated.

My generation has been lucky in the area of infant mortality (at least in America). These days we don't just expect at least 1 or 2 of our kids to die from a routine illness like measles or small pox. We don't have to watch our communities be decimated by influenza. We haven't been traumatized by a child getting polio, like my grandmother was with my uncle. We take it for granted that our kids will, for the most part, be healthy and stay alive to reach the terrible twos (with a few horribly tragic exceptions, obviously). I don't even have to watch my kids suffer through the painful scratching I had to endure with the chicken pox, because now we can vaccinate against that too. In fact, my kids are pretty dang healthy.  You would expect that if having all of those vaccinations had somehow ruined their immature immune systems, that they would be catching every illness that came knocking on our door, but no, with the exception of some constipation issues, my kids have been able to fend off virtually anything. Of course, this is just "anecdotal evidence" which shouldn't really be taken to mean anything, but still, you get my point.

At the heart of the anti-vax debate are parents who truly believe they are doing what is best for their children. For whatever reason, they feel that vaccinating might harm their child somehow, and I can understand that. No parent wants to gamble with their children's health and well being. But part of the problem, as I see it, is the view that MY children are the only thing that matters. As parents, the view that all of our parenting decisions should be sacrosanct and autonomous, and that we always just "know" what's best for our own child, ignores the fact that our children are part of a society, and yes, even a "herd."

Which brings me to my neighbor. She has a son, Cole, who is roughly the same age as my youngest. They are BFF's, and during the summer, they have the run of the neighborhood, playing together all day long. It's really very sweet. But Cole has a variety of health issues, which prevent him from getting certain vaccines, and which cause him to pick up EVERY bug that travels within 10 yards of him. My neighbor has to be very careful about keeping her house free of germs, and if my kids are at all sick, Cole can't come over and play. She is relying on me to vaccinate my kids, so that her son doesn't get the measles (or anything worse). She is like many parents out there with children of kids (and babies who are too young to get vaccinated), who are relying on YOU to do your part and get your kids their vaccinations, if at all possible.

Women in other parts of the world will walk for days to get their kids to a vaccination clinic, because they've seen firsthand the devastation of losing a child to a preventable illness. While (mostly upper class white) people in America debate and pontificate over the idea  that you're poisoning your baby with *GASP* chemicals (ignoring the fact that everything on the planet is made out of chemicals), women in poorer parts of the world are just trying to keep their babies from dying.

I'm not even going to touch the autism issue, because the link between vaccines and autism is just not there. Case closed. No more debate needed.  And even if it did, autism is not worse than dying.  I can't even imagine how offensive it is to people who are actually on the spectrum to hear that the mere thought of someone's child being like them is worth risking their life over. I'm not trying to downplay the devastation autism can cause for families, but I hold to my belief that a child with autism is better than a child who is dead. And that's only if there were a link, which there's not, so again, case closed.

But like I said, I have close friends and relatives who choose not to vaccinate, and despite our different feelings on this issue, I still love them and think they are great parents. I think we're ALL trying to do what is best for our kids, and fighting with them won't really help anything. They are right to have questions about how the environment around them affects their kids, and we should all have some healthy skepticism about the things we feed and inject into children. Autism IS on the rise, and there ARE more food allergies today, and processed food IS worse for you than fresh vegetables. Overuse of antibiotics IS something we should be looking at more closely, and pharmaceutical companies ARE pretty horrible in some of their tactics.

But the vaccine debate doesn't need to be had. It's over. And there are real world consequences to not getting your child or yourself vaccinated. And those consequences affect other people's kids. Which is why this is such an emotional topic. But turning it into a political issue only muddies the waters even more. This should not be a Democrat vs Republican issue. Mainly because there are not 2 sides to science. Do I think we should require parents to vaccinate under penalty of law? That seems a little creepy even to a commie lefty like me. But do I think you should be required to vaccinate your kids if you want them in the public school system? Yes. No exceptions. I think that granting religious and philosophical exceptions to vaccinations is stupid, because science doesn't care what your religion or your "deeply held beliefs" have to say about it. And neither does Cole, who just doesn't want to be sick all of the time.

So there you have it. Take it for what it's worth. I'm not an expert and I would never claim to be, but there are experts in the world, and I take my advice from them, not the Internet.

*****************************************************************

P.S. And I have one more beef with this whole issue: the idea that alternative medicines are not about profit like those big evil pharmaceutical companies. I used to own an allergen-free food store, and the companies we ordered from also sold alternative medicines and vitamins, and let me tell ya, there is a LOT of profit to be made in the "all-natural" industry. The difference of course is that there is actual science to back up the claims of vaccines, and none to back up the claims of the homeopathic tablets that cost you $30 a bottle.

The Great Depression

I have a confession to make.

I'm depressed.

Not like "feeling down" depressed, but actually, truly, clinically depressed.

I first went on antidepressants when I was pregnant with my son 11 years ago. The pregnancy seemed to trigger something in my brain that turned on a hard-core depression which I had never experienced before. 

And let me tell you, it wasn't (and isn't) pretty. As a person with a chronic medical illness, I can easily say that I'd rather deal with physical illness than mental illness. At least when you're physically ill, people seem to understand that you're sick. When you're depressed, people don't see it, and if they do, they think you just need to snap out of it or think positive thoughts. They think that you're weak, or that you're just being lazy or cranky.

But depression isn't really a state of mind. It's an imbalance of chemicals in your brain that can't be easily fixed. You're not really depressed "about" anything, but then again, everything depresses you. 

For example, I'm currently depressed about being depressed. It's not fair to my family to be laying around all day long doing nothing, but the thought of doing anything other than laying in a fetal position and watching Netflix depresses me. Which means my house is a mess, which depresses me even more. And since I've been laying around depressed, I haven't been cooking much of anything, which means my kids are eating a lot of frozen pizza, which further depresses me while I berate myself as a terrible mother.

Then there's the fact that it's Christmas time, which is normally my favorite holiday. But because of my depression, I can't enjoy it, which depresses me. And since I can't enjoy it, I haven't done much gift buying or cookie baking, which also depresses me. 

Then there's the depression of thinking constantly about how depressing everything is for everyone else in the world. For people who are homeless, or lonely, or hungry. For people who have lost children and are suffering so much more than I have or ever will. The thought that they're depressed depresses me. 

The fact that the human brain is so complex and fragile that a minor deficiency of one or another chemical can fuck up your whole life depresses me. The capacity for human anguish in general depresses me, along with the fact that millions upon millions of people in the world are, at this very moment, suffering. That depresses me.

And it depresses me that my mind has been essentially hijacked. My personality, the very thing that makes me, well, "me"; that thing is temporarily on hiatus along with my ability to find comfort and joy in anything that usually gives me comfort and joy. That's gone for a little while. And guess what? That really, really depresses me. 

But I'm one of the lucky ones. This depression is only temporary. It's just the result of a medication change. The antidepressant I had been on for the last several years wasn't quite cutting it anymore, so I'm in the process of switching over to a new one. But in a week or two, when the new medication has reached its optimum effect, I know I'll feel better. I'm lucky enough to have health insurance, and the ability to pay for the medication I need. I have a husband who can take care of the kids when I just can't. I'm financially stable enough that this temporary situation won't ruin my life. But there are so many people out there that don't have all of the luxuries I have. And that depresses the hell out of me. And the fact that I'm laying here being depressed when I should be grateful for all of the things I have; that truly depresses me. 

But for now, all I can do is wait for my new medication to kick in, and hope that my children don't starve in the process.

I'm not writing this to get the typical "hang in there sweetie!" comments that one generally receives after posting something like this to a public forum. I don't need sympathy or attention. All I need is to let you know that when someone you know and love is suffering from depression, or any type of mental illness for that matter, they truly are suffering.

What I need is not to hear comments like "Why is <insert celebrity here> depressed?! They have nothing to be depressed about!" Or comments like, "I can't believe <insert celebrity here> killed himself. How selfish of him! I can't understand why anyone would do that!"  These types of comments further the misguided notion that depression is simply a character flaw to be "fixed" with the right balance of strength and positive affirmations. It is not. It is a heavy black coat that settles over you and refuses to lift without genuine, medical intervention.

Which brings me around to the relevance of this sort of post on a "liberal" blog. Imagine if everyone in America, regardless of their circumstances, had unlimited access to mental health care. Imagine the increase in productivity, the people now able to hold down a job who couldn't before. The children who now have healthy parents who are able to take care of them, leading to a lesser burden on child care resources. The families saved from the trauma of suicide. All of this could happen, if only we could get our priorities straight. If only we saw this as an issue more urgent than providing billionaires with even more money. If only.

But we don't. We choose to live in a system where the "haves" get to live healthy and comfortable lives, while the "have nots" are just shit out of luck. And you know what? That really fucking depresses me.

An open letter to the people who "don't really follow politics"

That's it. Someone needs to tell you people off, and I'm in the perfect mood to do it today.

I would venture to guess that there are more people in America who "don't follow politics" than people who do. They are many reasons for this. Mainly my guess would be that people just have more pressing concerns; the kids need baths, it's almost dinner time, I'm working 2 jobs to make ends meet, etc.  And I get that. Life is busy for all of us.

What I DON'T get are some of the other reasons; American Idol is on, I'm going to Buffalo Wild Wings to get drunk, I need to find out which Kardashian is pregnant now. We are increasingly becoming a nation of grown children, obsessed by our own urge to be constantly entertained. If it's boring, we don't need to do it. We're like little dogs in our ability to be distracted by shiny objects.

And it's infuriating to me.

I know that not everyone enjoys politics. I can appreciate that I find the whole thing more interesting than most. But for the love of God people, this really does affect you!!!!

You seem to be just willfully ignorant about the fact that who represents you in government actually makes a difference in your life. They get to pass laws that govern how you live your life, and you have to deal with it! Don't believe me?  Here are a few examples:

1) Was it simply awful to be subjected to the barrage of campaign ads you had to endure while you were trying to watch American Idol? That was made possible by Citizens United, which allowed unlimited amounts of money to be spent in campaigns. Citizens United was brought to you by conservative Supreme Court Justices who were appointed by conservative Presidents. Oh, but you probably don't even know what "conservative" means, do you?

2) Like birth control? Did you ever get any of it from a clinic like Planned Parenthood? Did it keep you from getting pregnant when you didn't want to be? Well clinics like those rely heavily on federal funding, which can be easily pulled by a conservative government. And what's more, they're already trying to pass laws to make it so that your health insurance doesn't have to cover your birth control. Have fun paying full price for those pills every month!

3) Do your kids go to a public school? Are you tired of getting that long list at the beginning of the school year that asks you to pay for everything right down to the kleenex in the classroom? That is because of underfunded schools. You could fix that!!

But you don't. None of you do. You prefer to bitch and moan about what "the government" does, as if you have no control over who is actually IN the government.  You are so busy staring at shiny objects that you have NO IDEA what your lawmakers are doing behind your backs.

Yesterday, I lost my state representative.  He was the kind of guy that was still idealistic about his job, and actually worked hard for the good of his community. He actually got to know his constituents and took the time to listen to them and help wherever he could. And I don't blame his loss on the Republicans. I blame it squarely on you. People who don't vote because you're too damn lazy and disinterested to take 10 minutes out of your day to go fucking vote already!

And if you don't want to follow politics, America makes it easy for you! We have a two-party system (for now). Pick one and get on board! They even put the name of the party on the ballot in case you have no idea who the candidate is! It's simple!

Have no idea who you even WANT to vote for? Here, take a quiz. This quiz will tell you who to vote for! It's ridiculously easy!!!!!

The apathy is just stunning to me. I can't even wrap my god damned brain around it.  We actually live in a country where the common people can choose their leaders, and a majority of them don't even bother!

And as a result, we live in a country where the rich are getting richer, and the poor are getting poorer. It's taking more hours at work just to support a family, and I wonder how long it will take for people to get fed up enough to actually want to DO something about it.

I think of all the struggles of the past: unions, abortion, corporate regulation. We're going to have to fight all of those battles all over again, because people have gotten so lazy and complacent that they've just watched all of their rights slowly go away.  If all of you people who "don't follow politics" started following it, even just a little, we could change SO MUCH in America. Maybe you wouldn't have to worry about going bankrupt because your kid got sick. Maybe you could afford to take a vacation once in awhile. Maybe you wouldn't have to go back to work six weeks after giving birth. We are all living at the mercy of corporations right now, and most of us don't even realize it.  And we do nothing to change it.

I don't even know why I bother some days. Why do I waste my time trying to make things better, when clearly so many people just don't even give a shit? I'm sure I'll get my motivation back eventually, but for now, I need to just stew about the sorry state of the American people for a little while.

Catholic Radio

I've had the occasion to travel from my small town to the Minneapolis-St. Paul area (what we locals affectionately refer to as "the cities") several times in the past few months. It's roughly a two and a half hour drive, which isn't so bad, but there are only so many hours of This American Life I can listen to before I start to tune out.

And so, as I approach the middle of my journey, which is the St. Cloud area, I always see not one, but two giant billboards for the local AM Catholic radio station. With two giant billboards enticing me, how could I NOT listen? And boy am I glad I did! I've learned SO many good things from listening, and my life has been so enriched by the teachings of the one true church. 

So let me summarize the collective wisdom I've gained onto you, fair readers.

1.) If you're not married, don't have sex. Not any. Not ever. Especially if you're female. It's probably the worst thing you could ever do. You're going to break your parents' hearts and probably die of a horrible STD (and that's only after you've totally ruined God's plan for your otherwise perfectly planned life). Sex is demeaning (if you're female) and the "hook up culture" will only leave you broken, and a shell of your former, pure self. Especially if you're female. Besides, you can't really enjoy sex unless you are fully giving your future to the other person, by which I mean consenting to give birth nine months later and raise a child for the rest of your life. Also, watching rom-coms will make you slutty. Especially if you're female.

2.) If you ARE married, have sex. Lots of it, all the time. Why? Because babies, that's why. Babies are a gift from God and will do nothing but add to your enjoyment of life and bring you tons of fun and happiness. And don't even think about birth control. Having babies is not a choice to be made, it's a blessing from above. You made the choice to have kids already when you said those wedding vows, and there's no going back now. Only God knows how many kids you can handle. You may be thinking, "but what about my high blood pressure, or financial situation, or sanity?" Doesn't matter. Keep in mind that God will provide. Afraid of mounting medical bills from having all those babies, or the cost of food, clothing, etc? Not to worry. God has already thought about all of that for you, and decided you'll be just fine with 25 kids (and more than likely, they'll all be healthy and perfect anyway). You can always make more money. It's easy. Too many people these days spend all their time worrying about how babies will affect their lives, instead of considering that babies are totally awesome!! They have cute smiles and say cute things and look so cute in their cute little outfits. And you really don't want to be one of those schmucks only raising one or two boring kids, do you?

So basically, what I've learned is that the Catholic Church is extremely concerned about how much sex you're having, and why you're having it. Only they know the true purpose and gravity of sex, and how it affects people. If you would only take their advice, it would all be smooth sailing from here on out. So don't screw this up people!! Or, I guess, DO screw it up, but only if you're married and want to have dozens of kids, as is your duty to God. Especially if you're female.