Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Ms. vs Mrs.

I have somehow managed to get myself roped into a weekly volunteering gig in my son's 3rd grade class.  It's every Thursday morning, and my job is to help out with the class store, where the kids can purchase second-hand crap (the stuff parents clean out of their kids' rooms and donate instead of throwing away) with their fake money that they earn by doing their homework and being nice to each other.  I think it's a brilliant idea, because even with kids, money really is the best motivator.

The other mom who volunteers at the same time insists that that the kids address her as "Mrs. X."  (X is not her real last name - I'm just trying to maintain a certain level of anonymity here).  The teacher similarly goes by "Mrs. S" (again, not her real name), as do most of the female teachers in the school.  I told everyone to just call me "Amy," but I can see how the school would want kids to maintain a certain level of respect for the adults by addressing them all by their title.

However, the use of "Miss" and Mrs." is a HUGE pet peeve of mine, especially when it involves children.  We're teaching our kids that women are to be identified by whether or not they're married, but men are just men, married or not.  I prefer to be addressed by "Ms." and I wish that were simply the standard for all women, as "Mr." is for all men.  But apparently that sentiment has not reached our small town yet.  In the recent class newsletter, Mrs. S thanked both Mrs. X, and me, Mrs. H, for our help in the classroom. 

So here's my "dilemma."  Do I ask the teacher, who seems like a very reasonable woman, to please henceforth use "Ms. H" instead of "Mrs. H" when referring to me, or do I just play it cool and maintain the status quo so as not to look like a jerk.

One more tidbit to throw into this situation: Mrs. X lives just down the street from me, and is a very conservative Catholic who only recently put her son in public school after having some sort of falling out with the local Catholic school.  Since our sons have come to be friends and spend a lot of time together lately, she has seen the "Vote No on the Marriage Amendment" sign in my yard and probably already finds me to be a little questionable, and getting into the Ms. debate might turn me into a total commie leftist in her eyes, which could affect our sons' friendship I suppose.

So what should I do people?  Leave it alone? Speak up?  What would you do?  I realize this is a really inconsequential "problem" that will not affect the state of the union, but I really would like some advice.

4 comments:

  1. I have no advice for you, I just wanted to say I've never thought too much on this subject but I have to say I agree with you.
    I can never remember if my daughter's teacher is a Ms. or Mrs. so I just call her Ms. D. This hasn't been a problem, but then I haven't said it to her face!
    I agree that we shouldn't have titles dependant on whether or not we aare married. Isn't that just another way to look down on women who aren't? I pride myself on being an independant woman (well, as much as I can be!) and to have someone look down on me because I am a Ms. instead of a Mrs. is wrong.

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  2. Ahhh! This happens to me all the time--and in my case it's confused by the fact that I kept my, er, "maiden" name, which is different from my kids' last name. Very polite children call me Mrs. Black. I feel like busting out the Ting Tings and snarking "that's not my name!"

    My approach has been to allow very little kids to follow the rules that their parents set, which means I sometimes get addressed as my mother-in-law. When the kids are older though, I tell them that they have my permission to use my first name. I'd probably defer to the teacher's rules in her room.

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  3. I guess 90% of the kids just refer to me as "Chance's Mom" anyway. :-)

    And Alesha, I never used to think about it either, but when I started, it really got under my skin.

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  4. Never thought about it but it is kind of insulting to be thought of as an accessory for a man. Ms should be the standard. You do, however, need to choose your battles. How it's handled could have some repercussions.

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Let's keep it civil people.