Gun Control

It's taken me awhile to write about the Newtown massacre, mainly because I'm a parent and I couldn't wrap my head around it.  But I figured that it's such an epic event that I should really come up with some kind of comment on it, so here goes.

We live in a country that makes the claim that "life is precious."  We seem to have no problem ensuring that laws are passed to prevent women from terminating pregnancies because the potential life in them is so "precious."  We go to sometimes ridiculous lengths to make sure that our children never get hurt on a playground or in a car or while riding a bike.

Yet it seems to me that all of this "caring" is just a facade of sorts.  Our own children are precious to us, but we allow other people's children to go hungry and go without healthcare, and all in the name of "personal responsibility."  We seem to have no problem letting other people's children suffer simply because we don't think their parents are trying hard enough.

So in this kind of atmosphere, how can we even begin to discuss reasonable gun control measures?  After all, the "right" to shoot off multiple rounds at targets is more important to liberty than the life of someone else's child.  I actually had one facebook friend content that these deaths are simply collateral damage; the price we pay for living in a free society.

There are guns in my house.  They are family heirlooms from my husband's family, and they are locked up tight in a heavy gun safe in the basement, where they are rarely, if ever removed.  Do I think we need to ban all guns? No. But do we need to take some kind of drastic action on gun law reform to try to prevent this from happening in the future?  Absolutely.  But I'm not convinced this country has the capacity for adult dialogue anymore.

We are the only industrialized country in the world with such a horrific gun violence problem.  Maybe we need to take a look around the world and see why other countries do so much better than us.  I have a feeling that access to guns is going to be at least part of the solution. Yes, it's the person who commits the crime, not the gun, but the gun makes it a whole lot easier and whole lot more lethal.

But until we make a decision to care about other people's children as much as we care about our own, nothing will change.  Until we collectively decide to put ourselves in the shoes of a parent who has to look at unopened Christmas presents for a child who's never coming home, this problem will not get better.  I wish I felt better about the situation, but I don't.  Not here.  Not in America.

Happy Holidays vs. Merry Christmas

It's that time of year again.  My favorite time of year.  Christmas.  You know, the holiday we atheists are trying to wage a war on. But oddly enough, I have no interest in waging war on Christmas, and I think if you talked to most atheists, they would feel more or less the same. 

If you live in America, you probably grew up with Christmas in one way or another.  But to the dismay of many Christians, the holiday itself has virtually nothing to do with Christ.  Almost everything you think of when you think "Christmas" has little or nothing to do with Christianity.  Christmas trees, for example, have their roots in paganism, as do the yule log and most of the other decorative aspects of Christmas.  And how do Frosty the Snowman and Santa Claus relate to Jesus?  They don't.  How do we know that Jesus was born on December 25th?  We don't.  In fact historians pretty much agree that he wasn't, if he even existed at all, which is a debate for another time.

But the main crux of the outcries over the "War on Christmas" is the reluctance of us secular progressives to solely use the term "Merry Christmas" when sending greetings to others at this time of year. What they don't seem to get, is that Jesus really isn't the reason for the season.  Winter holidays existed long before the time of Jesus, and it was about gathering with family to celebate and get a break from the hard, cold, dark winter.  In essence, that's what we're all really still celebrating.

I have no problem with saying "Merry Christmas" to people, if I know for a fact that Christmas is what they're actually celebrating.  However, if I'm talking to someone I don't know well, then I probably don't know if they're Jewish, or Muslim, or one of the other countless numbers of people who don't in fact celebrate Christmas in America.  We are, after all, a melting pot of cultures.  "Happy Holidays" is a safe, inclusive alternative to show that you respect whatever this time of year means to whoever you're addressing.  Especially if you run a business, why would you want to potentially alienate a large number of your clientele just to prove some stupid point?

What really bothers me is the fact that these days, there are people who hurl the phrase "Merry Christmas" at you as though it's some kind of warning.  As though they're trying to say, "We Christians are in charge here, and don't you forget it.  And if you're not going to acknowledge that Christmas is the supreme holiday in America, then you should probably just leave."  This sort of thing has happened to me more than once, because people assume that since I'm an atheist, I don't celebrate Christmas.  When in fact, the only difference between the Christmas celebration at my house and the one at theirs is the absence of a nativity scene at mine.  So they're really not offending me nearly as much as they hope they are.

It's all just nonsense.  If you want to say "Merry Christmas" to total strangers, that's your business.  But don't insist on painting the rest of us as thoughtless sheep for jumping on the "Happy Holidays" bandwagon.  It's more than a politically correct phrase (which I know is a topic of never-ending frustration for conservatives). It's a term of inclusiveness; not a rejection of Christmas.  The reason for the season is love, warmth, family and friends (and presents!), not just Jesus.  And we should honor everyone at this time of year, not just Christians.

Giving Thanks

Most people in America think of Thanksgiving as a time to thank God for all of their various blessings throughout the year.  But if you're without a belief in a god, as we are, who do you thank for your blessings? So here's a list I made up, just in time for Turkey Day.

• I thank my husband, for giving me two wonderful children and a happy home.
• I thank my children, for keeping my life so full of excitement and love.
• I thank my parents, not for giving me life, as pretty much anyone can do that, but for making my life what it is, and for being such cool people to hang out with during the holidays.
• I thank my in-laws, for treating me as their own, and giving my children such a wonderful extended family.
• I thank my brother and his wife, for being the kind of people that I look forward to spending time with, rather than just being required to spend time with.
• I thank my friends, who always give without being asked, and who keep me tied to my past and looking forward to my future.
• I thank my neighbors, who make this a great neighborhood to live in.
• I thank my dog, Walter, for keeping me on my toes and providing me with endless hours of stupid entertainment.
• I thank the doctors and nurses, who recently patched up my small intestine (again), so I can enjoy a fantastic Thanksgiving meal.
• I thank the local credit union that gave me a reasonable mortgage, so I could live in this beautiful house.
• I thank Facebook, where I can stay in touch with the family and friends I don't normally get to see face-to-face.
• I thank the people who make and sell the gallons of tea I devour each day.
• I thank all the people out there everywhere, making all the things I enjoy every day often with no thanks and at appalling wages.
• I thank Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert for keeping their eyes on all the shenanigans going on in Washington and informing me of them in a pleasing manner.

There are so many people I have to thank for all of the good things in my life, more than I can possibly mention in one meaningless blog post, but none of them are an invisible god.

So tomorrow, my husband and sons will head on over to the in-laws for a wonderful meal. I'll be staying home continuing my recovery from surgery, but that's ok, because I know I'll be there next year.  And anyway, it will give me extra time to catch up on all of the TV shows I'm thankful for, and spend the day perusing Pinterest, one more thing I'm deeply grateful for.  And on Sunday, my family will come over here for a second meal, so I will get to watch my toddler make my mother chase him down and catch him just to get one hug.  It's completely adorable.

Then, at some point this weekend, my husband will put up our Christmas tree, so we can begin our annual "war on Christmas" by partaking in every Christmas tradition imaginable, and all will be right with the world.

Happy Thanksgiving!

My Final Plea

I'm not going to bore you with the reasons that I voted "no" to both constitutional amendments in Minnesota (I already voted absentee).  Instead, I'm going to implore you to vote no as well by writing this final plea.

The Marriage Amendment

Minnesota is asking voters to add a line to the state constitution that says marriage will be henceforth defined as the union of "one man and one woman."  If you're planning to vote yes, then we already disagree on gay marriage, and I probably can't change your mind. But consider this, the rights of the people, any people, should NEVER be voted on by the population at large.  This country was founded on the belief that the rights of the minority should be protected from the will of the majority, or "mob rule." 

No matter what your stance is on gay marriage, you will have the right to express that view whether or not this amendment passes.  Contrary to popular belief, Minnesota is NOT voting on whether or not to legalize gay marriage, unlike the other 3 states voting on this issue.  We are simply voting on how illegal it should be.  Please realize that if you are against gay marriage, then your viewpoint is most likely informed by your religion, and even though your religion may represent the majority view in America, I go back to my original point: we are not supposed to live under mob rule.  Our country is so wonderful because we protect the rights of the minority, not in spite of it.

The Voter ID Amendment

This one is just simple.  It's a solution without a problem.  Voter fraud, especially "in person" voter fraud, which is the only kind of fraud this amendment would impact, is just not a problem in Minnesota.  I have been an election judge here, and I can tell you that our voting system is very safe and sound.  And I'm stunned that the conservatives, the very people who decry wasteful spending, would want to spend so much money providing these ID's and implementing the new system. 

And if you are saying, "OK, but we need an ID to get on an airplane," I can only respond with, "no one has the 'right' to fly on an airplane, but we all have the right to vote."  Not only would this amendment waste a ridiculous amount of taxpayer money in this state, but it would amount to a "poll tax" for many people who would have to pay to get their birth certificate to obtain a "free" ID.  Poll taxes are supposed to be illegal, because they keep the poor from voting.

And my final, final plea on both issues.

The constitution is not the place to decide legislative issues.  We elect representatives so that they can spend the time learning about these issues and making informed decisions.  If they can't do that, and they kick the can to us in the form of constitutional amendments, then they have failed at their job.

So please, please, I'm begging you, do NOT vote "yes" on either of these amendments.  Do you want me to beg?  I'll beg.  Hell, I'll come over and clean your house and babysit your kids so you can have a night out if you'll only vote no.  It's that important.  These are amendments that will have real consequence for real people.  If our lawmakers can't hash out these issue the way they're supposed to, then it's not up to us to do their job for them. 

Please, pretty please, VOTE NO!

(I'll throw in some free leftover Halloween candy?)

Parent Teacher Trouble

Before I begin, a technical note: I will be referring to "Obamacare" in this post.  If that bothers you, sorry.  I know the proper name of the law, I'm just too lazy to type it all out, and I think Obama should be proud of his law and own it.

So I had a weird situation the other day.  I attended my first parent-teacher conference of the year with my son's third grade teacher, who is an amazing woman.  In the short time I've known her, I've found her to be kind, funny, warm and smart.  She's kind of a "grandma" figure to the kids, and my son just loves her.

As the conference began, she asked me about my impending surgery since we've discussed it on and off when I've been in the classroom volunteering.  The conversation came around to medical bills, and she said she's been worrying about me because my medical bills must huge.  At that point, I told her that one good thing about "Obamacare" was that it would end the lifetime cap on coverage which would be huge for me. She agreed but then asked what would happen if it got repealed.

I should interject here to say that I really hesitated to even bring up the issue, because around here, you kind of have to assume that everyone is conservative until proven otherwise.  So it was a subject I broached very tentatively.

Anyway, as the discussion continued, she told me she had heard that there is a provision in Obamacare that pays for all the children of illegal immigrants to go to college for free.

After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I politely told her that seemed pretty unlikely to me, and asked her if maybe she was thinking of the "Dream Act" (which doesn't do that either, but I can see how the rumor could get around).  She insisted that no, it was in fact Obamacare, and that "we" (I'm assuming she and her husband?) had fact-checked it because they thought it sounded weird too.  I told her it still seemed fishy to me, and she asked me to let her know if I find out differently, at which point our time was about up, so I told her we should probably talk about my son (who, as it turns out, is an amazing, wonderfully kind and funny boy who really needs to work on his reading and math skills).

That night, I spent at least an hour googling and came across nothing, so I resorted to finding the entire text of the law and searching through it for keywords like "education," "immigrants," and "college" and still found nada.

The next day, I emailed the teacher letting her know what I had found (or rather not found).  I'm not sure how often she checks her email though, so I guess we'll see if she sends a response.

The point of this whole story is that even the most intelligent people can believe very unlikely things, and what that could mean for this election and for our future really kind of scares me.  We live in a world where facts aren't always facts, and you can just about always find somethting to back up what you want to believe, no matter what side of the fence you're sitting on.

The Crisis Project

"The Crisis Project" (not to be confused with my cousin Drew's awesome rock band, "Crisis Line") is a website that posts secretly recorded videos of visits to crisis pregnancy centers around the country.  I heard about it while listening to one of my many favorite podcasts, "Reality Cast" which is produced by RH Reality Check.  So I immediately hit the web and found their site, and let me tell you, I could watch these videos all day.

Needless to say, I have a huge problem with crisis pregnancy centers.  If you don't know what they are, think "Birthline" if you have one of those in your area.  It's a religious organization pretending to be a clinic.  They are the ones who post all the "Pregnant? Need help?" ads everywhere you go.  They advertise free pregnancy tests, and then when unsuspecting women go there for their free test, they get hit with all kinds of religious propaganda and medical misinformation.

These centers are a key source of all the misinformation floating around out there in regards to abortion and contraception. For instance:

• Did you know that abortion causes breast cancer?  Well, no, it doesn't, but that doesn't stop them from telling women that it does. 
• Did you know that abortion can lead to depression, alcoholism, and even suicide?  Well, again, no it doesn't, but if a person in a white lab coat says it, it must be true, right? 
• How about your boyfriend?  Did you know that you guys will probably break up because of this abortion?  Well, since I couldn't find any good scientific info on this one, I'm going to take a leap of faith and assume that co-parenting is at least as challenging to a relationship, if not more so, than choosing to terminate a pregnancy.
• And did you further know that abortion is even more dangerous than childbirth and can lead to death!?  Well, according to a report published in the journal Obstetrics & Gynecology, "Researchers found that women were about 14 times more likely to die during or after giving birth to a live baby than to die from complications of an abortion." 

So basically, these places trick women into thinking they're getting unbiased medical information, when they're really just getting incredibly biased religious misinformation.  I would feel a lot better about these places if they would just be honest about their intentions.  If they just advertised as a place to get a free pregnancy test and some religious counseling, or at the very least did not advertise that they provide "abortion counseling" (because they don't) I would feel slightly better about the fact that they are receiving my Minnesota tax dollars to operate. 

Think I'm exaggerating about how these places operate?  Go to the site yourself and check out some of the videos.  Or if you'd like a longer, more in-depth assessment, check out the HBO documentary "12th & Delaware."  Then tell me these places don't have an obvious religious agenda that has no excuse for operating with taxpayer money.

Ms. vs Mrs.

I have somehow managed to get myself roped into a weekly volunteering gig in my son's 3rd grade class.  It's every Thursday morning, and my job is to help out with the class store, where the kids can purchase second-hand crap (the stuff parents clean out of their kids' rooms and donate instead of throwing away) with their fake money that they earn by doing their homework and being nice to each other.  I think it's a brilliant idea, because even with kids, money really is the best motivator.

The other mom who volunteers at the same time insists that that the kids address her as "Mrs. X."  (X is not her real last name - I'm just trying to maintain a certain level of anonymity here).  The teacher similarly goes by "Mrs. S" (again, not her real name), as do most of the female teachers in the school.  I told everyone to just call me "Amy," but I can see how the school would want kids to maintain a certain level of respect for the adults by addressing them all by their title.

However, the use of "Miss" and Mrs." is a HUGE pet peeve of mine, especially when it involves children.  We're teaching our kids that women are to be identified by whether or not they're married, but men are just men, married or not.  I prefer to be addressed by "Ms." and I wish that were simply the standard for all women, as "Mr." is for all men.  But apparently that sentiment has not reached our small town yet.  In the recent class newsletter, Mrs. S thanked both Mrs. X, and me, Mrs. H, for our help in the classroom. 

So here's my "dilemma."  Do I ask the teacher, who seems like a very reasonable woman, to please henceforth use "Ms. H" instead of "Mrs. H" when referring to me, or do I just play it cool and maintain the status quo so as not to look like a jerk.

One more tidbit to throw into this situation: Mrs. X lives just down the street from me, and is a very conservative Catholic who only recently put her son in public school after having some sort of falling out with the local Catholic school.  Since our sons have come to be friends and spend a lot of time together lately, she has seen the "Vote No on the Marriage Amendment" sign in my yard and probably already finds me to be a little questionable, and getting into the Ms. debate might turn me into a total commie leftist in her eyes, which could affect our sons' friendship I suppose.

So what should I do people?  Leave it alone? Speak up?  What would you do?  I realize this is a really inconsequential "problem" that will not affect the state of the union, but I really would like some advice.