I’ve got something to say. I’m for equal rights just as much as the next gal, but I am sick and tired of the so called “Christian lifestyle” being shoved down my throat every time I turn around. If people want to be Christian, I guess that’s their business, but why do they have to make such a big show out of it? It seems like everywhere I go these days, I see people going into churches, coming out of churches, going back into churches they just came out of, and then coming out of them again, only to then wander off to the Christian bookstore. It’s enough to make your head spin!
I'm trying to raise my kids with proper morals, and it's very difficult to do when they have their friends telling them that church is "normal." And the public schools, no less, teaching them that it's "okay" to be Christian by letting the kids write essays about their "alternative" families. How am I supposed to answer their questions when they ask me about the people they see on the street and on TV going to church? I mean, how am I supposed to explain that to them??!! And don’t even get me started on their "Christian Rights" parades with everyone dancing around in their pleated Dockers and crucifixes. I mean, children could be watching that for crying out loud! And worst of all, if the culture around them acts like this is all okay, what if they get to their teenage years and start experimenting with Christianity themselves?!
I'm not saying we should throw them in prison or anything (that’s a debate for another time and place), I'm just saying that they shouldn't get any special rights. I don't get special rights, so why should they? They're still free to go to community centers if they want to. Those places do fun stuff too. But if they simply must go to church, I don’t want to see it. That’s it. I don’t want to see it. I don’t want my kids to see it. I don’t want my pets to see it. It’s a shameful practice that should be hidden away from the world behind closed doors.
The point is, I don't like Christianity, and therefore we should really not be encouraging it. We need to keep the traditional definition of who we are. If we start opening the door to Christian rights, it's going to be a slippery slope down to Mormonism. Soon we'll have street preachers and door knockers and people openly reading their bibles in front of me and my small, impressionable children. And how am I supposed to take my own secularism seriously if other people are trying to redefine what it means? This "new normal" is really going to start destroying Unitarian brunch gatherings for everyone.
We need to save the country and the next generation from this menace! Come on people, wake up!!
A personal note to my Christian readers: This is a work of satire. It is not meant to be taken seriously, only to provoke thought on marriage equality. I completely support your right to your Christian lifestyle. ;-)
And a humble "thank you" to my baby brother, who helped me tweak this piece with his superior sense of humor. He should really write his own blog.